


Find Your Way To Me

by littlesunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Jealousy, M/M, Secret Relationship, University AU, smut (sort of), stupid Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-19 06:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesunshine/pseuds/littlesunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was too busy trying to figure it out and in the end he had to realize that the kiss – the stupid little peck – was more than just a joke for him!</p><p>or: University AU where Harry and Louis love each other but it's supposed to be platonic. Until it isn't - until it's more!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) this is my first ever fanfiction so don’t be too mean haha.. No seriously, I really don’t know what I’m doing here, but I really wanted to write this because this story is in my head for a while now. It based on personal experiences, well kind of, so the main plot is a bit personal..  
> And I thought, even if I’m a girl, larry would fit this story quite well haha  
> It’s just my way of expressing my feelings which I felt while I was going through this :)  
> Yet I have to say I’m from Germany so my English isn’t the best, so sorry again haha; I hope it’s at least a bit understandable :P  
> still, I keep up posting it as long as there is at least one person who likes it, even if it’s just me  
> And if you’re not me than thank you for giving it a go and an even bigger thank you if you liked it :*  
> Okay, that’s it (sorry if the AN got a bit long, just wanted to get that out first, in further chapters it won’t be that long), now let’s start with the first chapter :)

"And don’t forget to call me at least once a day!“

Harry couldn’t move, caught in the arms of his mother Anne who already took minutes to say goodbye to him.

“Mum, I’m 19 years old, not 9. Can’t we agree on me calling you once a week?” Harry tried carefully to let go of his mother, but Annes hold only got stronger when she realized that her son was about to break the hug.

“Mum! It slowly becomes embarrassing. One could almost think that’s my first year at University. But it’s not! I know everything by now, have found good friends and get on with most of my professors. No need to worry so much.”

Anne took a step back and Harry hoped he had survived the send-off but she didn’t let go of him completely, just as much so she was able to look him directly in the eyes.

Harry realized her watery eyes so this time it was him who took a stronger hold of her waist.

“That’s the point. I can’t believe that you are already starting your second year at university. You’re my little baby.”

Carefully, Harry finally let go of his mother but just to bring his hand to her cheek, wiping away the few tears that had slipped through her eyelids.

“You know I love you. Very much! I always will be your little mummy’s boy.” He could feel his mother grin against his hand. “And I think that I’m able to call you twice a week.”

With that, Anne started to giggle and once again took Harry in a strong embrace, burying her head against his chest.

“At the least”, she whispered but Harry decided to say nothing, just taking his big hand to gently stork her back.

They stand like this for a moment until they finally let go of each other but not until Anne gave him a final kiss to his cheek.

After that, Harry turned around to look at his bed where he had put down his suitcase and some boxes with more of his stuff.

“Hopefully, this time you didn’t forget anything.” Anne was looking at his stuff as well.

Harry nodded with a silent sigh.

“You know I have to worry about everything. That’s what moms are for. I only want the best for you.”

Anne let her gaze wander around the room, surveying the dorm her son will call his home for at least the upcoming i.

 

It was a typical dorm; little, but cosy and furnished with the bare necessities. Entering the room, there was an entrance area with a wardrobe, a mirror and a little bathroom to the left. The main living area had a little lounge with a television, in the left corner was a little kitchen unit and a table and some chairs. Last but not least there were two big windows, with a view to the campus and a bed underneath each window and a balcony door between them.

 

Annes gaze traveled from the left to the right bed and then back to her son.

“Where is Louis? I thought the room-swap worked out? This year you’re sharing your dorm with him, aren’t you?”

Harry nodded quickly, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah, I am. But I don’t know where he is. Maybe they got caught up in a traffic jam. It takes a few hours to drive from Doncaster to London.”

“Holmes Chapel isn’t that much closer.”

“Well yes, but not everyone is as over-punctual as you, mum. Plus, it’s only Saturday. Many students don’t arrive until tomorrow." Anne gave Harry a stern look before taking her phone out of her pocket. “I’m going to call Jay, just so we know more.”

Without further words she turned her back to Harry and went towards the corridor to be able to take the call without any interruptions.

 

With a smile on his face, Harry gazed after his mother. He always liked the fact that she getaway on so well with Louis mother Jay. They were nearly as good friends as him and Louis even thought they just have known each other for about five month – since the spring festival of their Universit, where they had been introduced to each other by their sons.

 

It might be in their gens becaus wiith him and Louis it was the same. Both know each other since they study together in London – which means only a year -, yet they became best friends so quickly. By now they are nearly inseparable and when their friends talked about them they always just talk about LouisAndHarry.

 

Looking back at his first year at University, Harry didn't really know how it came that they became such good friends so fast. He got introduced to Louis by his old roommate Stan, who was friends with Louis since their childhood, maybe even best friends until Harry.

Once they were just friends and then they were LouisAndHarry who wanted to switch their roommates so that they could share a room.

 

And in this shared room Harry is sitting right now on is bed, unpacking some of his stuff and waiting for Louis to come because he had’t seen him in weeks.

 

As someone opened the door a few minutes later, he thought it was his mum. What he didn’t expected was that as soon as he turned around someone with bleached blond hair would ojumped in his arms.

“Niall!”, he gasped out, feeling all his oxygen leaving his lunge because of the strong arms around his waist.

“Harry, oh my god, I missed you. I missed all of you so much.” Niall eased his grip, took a step back and looked Harry directly in the eyes. “I totally forgot how boring my life is, without you four idiots. Even the good Irish beer couldn’t replace you. Well, it came close, but it wasn’t enough.”

Both had to laugh out loud. Harry wouldn’t say it that obviously but he as well had missed the little Irish leprechaun; his first friend he made at university, just five minutes after he arrived at the campus because Niall was desperately looking for something to eat and couldn’t find the canteen.

They both still needed to smile when they thought about Niall nearly crying because he was so hungry.

“Are Liam and Zayn already here?”

“Zayn is tidying up our room. He said I have to leave because all I did was throwing my clothes around. He wasn’t that pleased because I didn’t unpack properly.” Niall had to laugh out loud again. “Probably, he is unpacking my stuff as well.”

“Wow, he must have been really annoyed by your behaviour when he prefers to do all the work alone!”

“You know me: always looking for a way so I don’t have to work.” Amused, he threw himself on the still free bed; Louis bed.

“And Liam, well, he is in his new flat, of course. Furnishing the cosy first own home with his wife. Both are in London since last week.”

Of course Danielle wasn’t Liams wife, it was just that sometimes these two behaved like a recently married couple. Plus, they had been together since almost four years, so it was just a matter of time until the wedding; or at least the engagement. The resent step in their relationship was that they moved in together this summer and now lived in a lovely flat in London not far away from the campus but far enough for some time alone if desired.

 

„And where is your husband?“ Niall watched Harry with a questioning look but couldn’t suppress a grin.

Harry gave him a soft kick against his shin which caused Niall to wince and to utter a loud “Oi!”.

“No need to complain if you say shit like that.” Harry looked down at him, his arms crossed over his chest.

“As if you two don’t joke about it yourself. Always hugging and giving each other fake kisses. And don’t forget your stupid nicknames. You don’t need to complain!”

Niall looked at Harry with a saturnine look as he stroked his shine.

“Oi, don’t be pathetic, I hardly touched you.” With that, Harry turned around; knowing that is Irish friend wasn’t really angry and got back to unpack is suitcase.

“And just so you know, just Louis and I are allowed to joke about that”, Harry explained as he took some of his clothing to put them in his wardrobe. “You don’t get the game behind it.”

 

His statement was so true! No one understood Louis’ and Harrys cuddly friendship. Sometimes even Harry himself got confused and wasn’t quite sure what that was between him and Louis. That thing he just felt when he was with him, like he was only completed when his little sassy friend was with him.

All he knew for sure was that he loved Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn to bits and that he couldn’t wish for better friends. And that he loved Louis always a bit more, always a bit. It felt like he couldn’t survive a day without seeing or at least texting him. He loved Louis’ hugs the most, his smell, his everything. He wasn’t ashamed to show his affection to the elder boy, no matter where he was and he loved the fact that he knew that Louis felt the same way. They both didn’t care about everyone else opinion!

That was just the way they were. LouisAndHarry!

And it also didn't matter that they know each other just for a few month. IIt felt different, like they have known each other forever.

And if someone wanted to be friends with them they had to accept that, no matter what. They wouldn’t change.

And even if Harry himself didn't understand everything between them, he knew it was good, he knew it was right.

Not until later he would truly understand what all his feelings meant.

 

“Sometimes you two are a bit weird. But I still love you”, said Niall, as he stood up from Louis bed, smirking and giving Harrys shoulder a few pets.

“We aren’t weird, we just love each other.”, said a very familiar voice.

Harry froze in is movements until a big smile grew in his face. He turned around, looking at the door to face the loveliest blue eyes he had ever seen in a face already smirking at him.

“Speaking of the devil!” Jumping towards Louis, Niall gave him a quick but loving hug and then turned to the corridor. “I’m going to give you to lovers some time to celebrate the reunion. See you in a bit.” And with that Niall disappeared.

 

And there they were; finally together. Harry surveyed Louis from head to toe, smiling at how he looked a little lost with two suitcase and a backpack standing in their – their - entrance area.

Louis was smiling, too, and looked just like Harry remembered. Only his hair got a bit shorter.

But still, he was lovely to look at.

 

“Hi.” Harry sounded a bit breathless but was still smiling.

“Hi? That’s all I get from you after we’ve been separated for weeks? Well thanks, I think I’m going to move back in with Liam.”

“Good luck with that. I don’t think that you get him to move out of is flat with Danielle that easily”, Harry laughed.

“Oh yeah, I remember. But who can resist The Tommo?” Louis smiled at him.

Harry laughed again before he walked towards Louis, giving him a strong hug as soon as he was near enough. “Obviously not me.”, he whispered against Louis hair.

“Good!”, was all Louis said as he returned the hug.

They stood like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. Still holding on Harry, Louis took a look around the room. With a bright smile on his face he turned his gaze back to Harry. “I really look forward to this new upcoming year at university. You and me; together in one dorm? That’s going to be brilliant.”

With that he took a step back, turned his attention to his suitcase and started to unpack as well.

 

„Where the hell is actually my mum? She left the room ages ago to call your mum, but never came back.”

“Oh, she is with my mum. They both took the girls to the canteen. But don’t worry. She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to her big baby.” Louis looked up from his clothing to give Harry a mischievous smile but without realizing what syx going on, Harry had already thrown a pillow against his head.

“That’s rich, coming from you, boobear!”

Both laughed out loud before they started to throw everything in their reach at each other – clothing, pillows, anything.

 

Inmoments like thaat, Harry wished he would have known Louis since he was a child. His childhood would have been so much better with a friend like Louis. Louis would have helped him as is father left and Harry would had helped to raise the girls and would have supported Louis has his father and his stepfather left his family.

They would have been good for each other!

Still, he is happy to have him now and promised himself ages ago to never let him go!

Because it wasn’t like he never had good friends before but he never had a friend who he could call his best friend.

 

“Oh my god! I hoped it would take at least a week till your dorm looks as massy as your room at home.“

Both boys froze in place. Jay stood with crossed arms in the door, surveying the chaos, which Louis und Harry hat caused in only a few minutes. “Louis, you’re only here for five minutes. No wonder, no one believes me that you’re already 21.”

Jay seemed annoyed for a moment until she turned to Harry, smiling and giving him a quick hug. “Hello Harry. Lovely to see you again.”

“Pleased to meet you, too, Jay.”

Jay surveyed Harry from top to toe. “God Harry, I think you grew some more again.”

Harry gave her a mischievous smile before Louis came to stand behind him, giving his mop of curls a few taps. “Please stop it Harry or else I won’t be able to play with my favorite curly hair anymore. I stopped growing years ago.”

Harry gave Louis a quick smile while running his fingers through his hair to fix it. “Sorry Lou, I’ll try my best.”

Harry was about to stick out my tongue as he watch out of the corner of his eye that his mother came in the room, Louis four little sisters right behind her. The twins Daisy and Phoebe came straight to Harry, trying to get his attention while the both elder once gave him a smile and short Hellos.

“Jesus, Daisy, Phoebe. Give the poor boy some space.” Jay bent down to the twins to separate them from Harry while Louis watched the scene with a fond smile.

“As I can see, our sons had an intense reunion”, said Anne while eyeing the chaos in the room.

“Hell yeah, it was about time. Already three days in his holydays Louis couldn’t stop talking about his Hazza.” Lottie smiled at her brother who just glared at her; his cheeks blushing just a little bit.

Harry decided to ignore it but couldn’t contain the smile on his face.

Louis blush disappeared as quick at it came and as he turned to Harry he was back to be his cheeky self. “Sure I have missed you. My mother doesn’t allow me to prank my little sisters. Better be warned, I had a lot of time to think out some good new ones. “

This time Harry really stuck out his tongue before both started to laugh.

“As I can see, everything is fine and back to normal. Anne, I guess we can set off for home without worrying too much."

“Yeah, we are unimportant; now that our sons have each other back in their lives.”

This time, Jay and Anne were the ones who burst out laughing before the big goodbye started.

Harry promised his mother literally a hundred times that he hadn’t forgotten anything important, that he will wash his clothes and that he’ll call as often as possible. And he promised Jay to look after Louis and to try his best to get Louis to learn enough.

At the end, Louis gave each of his sisters a hug and a kiss to their cheeks and then their families were gone.

 

After cleaning up most of the mess they had caused, both threw themselves at their beds with an exhausted “Uff!” as Zayn called just in time.

“Hey Harry.” Without Harry even being able to say something back Zayn continued to speak. “Liam just called. He’s going to throw a little housewarming party in his flat. You and Lou move your lazy arses to our dorm and pick me and Niall up. We make a quick stop at the kiosk to buy some beer and snacks, and then we are going starting the semester the right way.”

“Sure, sounds great. Give us five minutes.” Hardly finished the sentence, Zayn had already replaced.

Louis looked at Harry with a questioning face.

“Housewarming party at household Payne.”

Laughing, Louis stood up and within one minute he was ready to go.

“Well, I never said no to a good party and some booze.”

Harry had to smirk at Louis before they left, making their way to Zayn and Nialls dorm.

 

Party may been a bit overstated. Actually it was just the five boys, Danielle and two friends of her. Still, everybody enjoyed themselves. The boys enjoyed to be finally reunited and soon left the girls alone, taking each one beer and went to the little living room in Liams new flat.

Looking at each other they raised their beer, smiling and enjoying the evening.

“To us!”

“To our reunion!”

“To a new, super cool and fantastic year at university with our four best friends!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two, yeah :)  
> But remember: I’m not a native English speaker, so sorry for my shitty English; I really try my best..
> 
> My tumblr: theirtattoosthough

The first week back at University was a bit weird. It was always difficult going back to waking up early and having to study after the long summer break; especially if the professors decided to go straight back to normal classes instead of taking it slow.

But even with the homework which already waited for Harry to be done, he couldn’t really complain. He enjoyed being back with his friends way too much, loved the college life, that he could do whatever he wanted without his mum telling him what to do and that he could hang out as long as he wanted and even drink some beers, no matter if it’s a weekday or not.

Living with Louis was awesome, too; just like he had imagined. He may had to suffer with one or two of Louis stupid pranks but he also got breakfast in bed, when Louis had woke up early; making some of his famous and delicious tea.

And anyway, it was so much more fun sharing his dorm with Louis than with Stan, who stopped being friends with both of them, because he thought their type of a friendship was a bit more then odd.

Louis – being a really nice guy deep down – tried to stay friends with both of them because Stan was still a very good friend of his with whom he shared lots of childhood memories but one day he heard him talking shit and mean stuff about Harry, so he decided to pick Harry over him and they stopped being friends which made the last few weeks of Harrys first year at university a living hell, because Stan wouldn’t leave him alone.

Harry never told Louis about the mean things Stand had said to him while they were alone and never told him the times when he was pressed firmly against a wall, but Louis could sense that something was wrong and promised him, that they would share a dorm in their second year.

Sometimes Harry felt really bad for destroying Louis and Stans friendship but Louis always promised that it was the best decision he made in his life and he would always choose him again because he knew whom he could really trust.

Harry still remembers that moment in every detail, the way Louis words brought a smile on his face. Yes, they had been friends at that time, but Harry always thinks back to that moment when he thinks about since when they are best friends.

Their already cuddly friendship became even closer but they didn’t care. They knew it was just how they were.

And they defiantly didn’t care about someone else opinion about them! Touching was just part of their nature.

And so it happened that they both sat on Louis bed, cuddled against each other with tea in their hands, enjoying the first weekend in the new semester.

“And then she looked at me, with her big bright eyes full of childlike innocence and hope. How was I supposed to say no to her?” Louis was about to tell a holyday story about his sisters while Harry tried his best to not laugh.

“So you ate her cake which she made out of sand? Sand? Real sand from a real beach?” He tilted his head back as he laughed out loud because he couldn’t stifle it any longer.

Louis face turned slightly red as he gave Harrys shoulder a little punch. “It was one bite, okay? And I didn’t swallow it.”

Harry wasn’t able to calm himself. “Why that? I bet it wouldn’t be that much worse as to when you cook for yourself.”

“Asshole!” Louis pushed Harry away from him which led to Harry rolling around in Louis bad, laughing so hard that he laughed himself to tears.

It took Harry several minutes to calm him till just little giggles left his mouth every now and then. As he looked up at Louis, he realized that he had his arms crossed over his chest, a frown on his face and that he didn’t seemed the slightest bit amused.

“It’s not my fault that I can’t say no to my sisters.” He pouted.

Harrys mocking grin disappeared immediately, forming into a fondling smile.

„I know,“ Harry sat back up again, his gaze still locked with Louis. “You’re just the loveliest big brother. One more reason that makes you unique and likable.”

With that, the offended expression disappeared from Louis face and both looked at each other, smiling but saying nothing for a while.

They stopped their glaring only as Louis cleared his throat. Harry turned his face away as he felt his cheeks warming up and at that, his gaze falling on Louis alarm clock: 12:34 p.m.

“Damn, is it really that late?”

Harry jumped out of the bed and started to look for some fresh clothes.

“Harry, what the hell are you doing?” Louis watched with curiosity as Harry ran around in their room, jumping on one leg as he tried to fit in his skinny jeans.

“I had planes to meet up with Cara at half past noon.”

“Cara?” Louise voice sounded a bit odd.

“Cara Delevingne. Don’t think you know her. She studies with me and she is my partner in a long-term project.” Harry gave a nervous laugh, slightly confused at Louis behavior towards Cara.

“You do understand the meaning behind a long-term project, don’t you? You two have ages but decided to start at the first weekend of the semester.” Louis laughed out loud, but his voice was still a bit odd. “Totally understandable.“

“Not in every class you can be as lazy as in drama class.” Harry gave Louis a mocking smirk.

“Ha, you are just jealous, that you aren’t as talented as I am so that you had to study some boring stuff with loads of work.”

“Idiot!”

“Overachiever!”

“What the hell? Just because I’m not as lazy as you are?“

“No! Because you always have to do your homework immediately and because you can’t wait till the last second just like any normal student.”

“Idiot!” said Harry again.

“Overachiever!” Louis repeated.

Then both busted into laughter before Harry turned towards the door.

“I really gotta go now, hopefully Cara is still waiting for me.. See you at lunch?”

Louis nodded and Harry closed the door without another look back to Louis because then he would have probably seen Louis weird look on his face, because Harry used the words “hopefully” and “Cara” in the same sentence.

~~~

After his meet up with Cara, Harry went straight to Nando’s where the other four already waited for him.

Niall was the first to notice him. “Harry, finally. I thought you would let me starve by propose.”

The other glanced up as well – well, Liam and Zayn at least, Louis looked more like he saw something very interesting on a flyer which lay on their table.

Weird…

He didn’t even looked at Harry, as he sat down next to him.

Harry tired not to show his confusion as he asked: “Did you already order?”

“Yeah, sorry, but Niall here, he wouldn’t want to wait any longer.” Liam gave Niall a shove with his elbow.

Niall smiled at Harry. „Sorry mate. But we ordered for you as well, so no need to worry.“

“Thanks and sorry for being late. It took us a bit longer than expected.”

“A bit longer?” Niall laughed out loud. „Please Harry, no details!“

“Excuse me? I really don’t know what you’re trying to imply, Niall. We met just for a school project.” He gave Niall a stern glace.

“A school project? Yes, sure!” Niall laughed again. “I know Cara by sight and she is totally your typ. If you really didn’t hook up with her this time, then at your next just-for-school-meeting, that’s for sure!”

Harry was about to respond something as he coughed sight of Louis out of the corner of his eye, who had finally looked up. He turned around to look him in the eyes as well.

It’s true; Cara is a very lovely girl. Everything Harry would look for in a girlfriend, but – and he didn’t know why – he isn’t interested in a relationship at the moment.

More important was it, to finally ease the tension between him and Louis!

So, as he spoke up again to finally respond to Niall, a smile appeared in his face. “Get off, Niall! How am I supposed to think about some girl if I have Louis?”

Playfully, Harry wrapped one arm around Louis neck and laughed out loud. Louis tensed up before finally starting to laugh as well as he wrapped his arm around Harrys waist.

“Exactly, he doesn’t need a girlfriend as long as we are together.”

The other three are too familiar with this LouisAndHarry behavior so they stopped talking about it and just enjoyed lunch together, thought Harry could swear that he earned some searching looks from Zayn.

What the hell?

After finishing their meal, Louis showed the flyer he used as an excuse to not look at Harry. It promoted a Semester-Starter-Party at the University gym and all five decided they wanted to go.

~~~

The party had a good start!

Till Harry stood at the bar, to buy a new round of beer – already his fifth at the evening – and as he saw her standing next to Louis. She was familiar to him, but he wasn’t quite sure where to place her face.

But it wasn’t like he really cared, because he thought she was annoying. He thought it was ridiculous how she had both her arms wrapped around Louis neck, talking drunken bullshit in his ear.

Couldn’t she see that Louis wasn’t interested in her nonsense? That she annoyed him? It was so obvious to Harry, even from his position at the bar.

Suddenly, Zayn showed up next to Harry, probably to help him carrying the beers, but eyeing him confused as he saw the way Harry looked at Louis and that girl.

Harrys gaze wandered from Louis to Zayn before he turned back to the bar.

With his back to him, Harry felt save enough to talk, without letting his face give out any wrong conjectures. “Who is that girl standing next to Louis?”

He felt Zayn walking right behind him before he gave his shoulder a little squeeze.

He knew what Zayn thought; knew what Zayn thought to know as to why he reacted that way; so he tried his best to have a neutral look on his face before he turned to look Zayn directly in the eyes.

“I know what you think! But no, you are still wrong. I’m no-“

Zayn interrupted him. “I haven’t said anything. I just wanted to help you carry the beers.”

He took three beer bottles like to prove his intention before speaking up again. “But to answer your question: the girl is Eleanor. One of Danielles friends from the housewarming party last week, you remember?” And with that he turned around and went back to the others.

Harry took a few seconds before he took the other two beer bottles and went back to the others as well.

Barely back in the circle, Louis gave him a smile over Eleanors shoulders, taking the second beer in Harrys hand.

Eleanor kept talking to Louis but his gaze was locked with Harrys, who turned his face to Eleanor before looking back at him with a questioning look. Louis just rolled his eyes, which lead Harry to burst out laughing before they both grinned at each other.

They looked at each other until Eleanor started to pull at Louis arm, trying to get his attention back.

“What did you say?” Louis gave her a friendly smile.

Eleanor bent over to whisper something in Louis ear gave a short giggle and then took his hand in hers to drag him to the dance floor. Before disappearing in the crowed, Louis turned around once again, shrugging his shoulders at Harrys questioning look.

Okay, what was that?

Harry kept looking at the sport where Louis had disappeared before turning back to the others.

Liam, Niall and Danielle (who was here with them, because of Liam – obviously) were looking after Louis and Eleanor as well, only Zayn was looking at Harry; the pity in his face was undeniable.

Harry ignored everyone until Danielle started to speak. “Wow, Eleanor is actually super shy. I didn’t have a clue what alcohol could do to her.” She laughed. “But I’m happy for her for being so brave.”

All four boys gave her a questioning look.

She laughed before speaking up again; “Since last week she can’t stop talking about him. All she talks about is Louis: his hair, his eyes and his ass.” She giggled again, joined by a few chuckle from Liam and Niall. Harry stayed silent and ignored Zayns look once again.

“You all hardly left the kitchen as she started to ask me out about anything. She wanted to know literary everything possible and couldn’t talk about anything else.” She turned to look at the dance floor with a smile on her face before speaking again. “I never thought she would find the courage to actually talk to him, but I’m glad she did.”

“Well, we’ll see what’s going to happen.” Liam looked at the dance floor as well. “But I think they are a good match.”

„Yeah, totally. And it’s about time that the Tommo gets a girlfriend again, isn’t it?” Niall gave Harrys shoulder a playful punch to earn some approval but all he earned was a blank face. Without giving it a second thought, Niall just kept on talking. “His Hazza won’t be enough forever.” Feeling funny about himself and his joke, Niall started to guffaw.

However, Harry stayed silent, just downing his beer with a few swigs before walking back, towards the bar.

As he went, he caught one of Zayns caring looks, at which he just rolled his eyes.

At the bar, he ordered three shots!

After that, he did not felt better, but what did he expected?

He had so many thoughts in his head he can’t understand.

They’re a good match! – Hazza won’t be enough forever! – She wanted to know everything about him! – It’s about time that the Tommo gets a girlfriend again! – His hair, his eyes, his ass! – Since last week, she can’t stop talking about him! – His eyes! – His ass! – Ass!

He shakes his head in confusion before ordering two more shots.

~~~

Harry can’t remember how long he actually stood at the bar; let alone how many shots he had. All he knew was that he somehow ended up outside the gym, a bottle of vodka in his hand, which he had stolen from someone he can’t remember.

The reason why he got himself that drunk is another thing he can’t explain.

Just that it had nothing to do anything with Louis and Eleanor. Surely not! No matter how many worried glances Zayn would gave him, he was wrong! He knew nothing!

Harry isn’t in love with Louis. Not a bit and he also doesn’t have any kind of crush on him. Louis is just like the bigger brother he never had!

But Zayn didn’t want to understand that. Six month ago he asked him the first time about his feelings for Louis.

After a night, a very drunken night on Harrys part again, which left just about none memories. According to Zayn, Harry couldn’t stop talking about Louis; how important he is to him and stuff like that. Of course Harry blamed it on the alcohol.

He still doesn’t know, what he really had said, but he was sure that he meant it all platonically.

Sure, he loves Louis, platonically! He means much to him, platonically! He loves spending time with him, platonically!

But why did he felt so weird since he saw Louis with Eleanor? Why does he feel these weird feelings? Is he jealous? No! Maybe? Well, just on a platonic basis!

Yeah, that’s what it was. He was scared to lose his best friend if he would start dating Eleanor.

Pleased that he finally found an explanation for his feelings he took another swig of the vodka.

Then, without knowing where to go, he started to walk; but he didn’t went far. After about three steps he tripped, falling straight in the grass. Not like he really cared. He just started to laugh as he rolled around to lie on his back, watching the starry night.

He took a deep breath – in and out, in an out – finally feeling nothing. No confusing thoughts in his head; everything was clear!

He lay like that for a while, forgetting time and space!

Until..

“Harry!“

Harry opened his eyes, which he must have closed at some point, trying to find the person to this lovely voice. Is vision was to blurry to recognize anything, so he closed them again.

Suddenly he felt someone kneeling down next to him, stroking his hair and his face. Without opening his eyes once again, he leaned into the touch.

“Haz. What are you doing out here?” Of course the lovely voice belonged to Louis.

Harry tried to answer, tried to open his eyes to look at Louis, but his whole body felt heavy and limp.

He heard when Louis sighed and started to stroke is hair again, while using his other hand to pull out his mobile.

“Zayn? I found him. He is lying in the grass.“

Silence.

“Yeah, right in front of the gym. He seems pretty drunk.“

Silence.

“No, not that bad, I guess, but I’m going to bring him home now.”

Silence.

“Don’t worry. I have everything under control.”

Silence.

“Yes, I look after him. We see us tomorrow.”

And then the phone call was finished.

Louis sighed again. “Hazza, why on earth did you do this? Now come on, let’s get you home.”

After that, Harry felt a pair of strong arms pulling him up from the floor and giving him support, while Harry tried is best to tumble towards the dorm.

No one said anything, but to Harrys surprise it wasn’t awkward or anything, rather soothing and relaxing and he realized once again, that he could always count on his best friend.

Hardly back at their dorm, Louis brought Harry straight into bad. Harry looked up at Louis, searching for judgment but all could find was concern.

“I’m sorry…”

Louis gave him a questioning look. „What for?“

“I.. You.. I didn’t want to ruin your night out.“

“You didn’t ruin my night. It’s nearly five in the morning. I was just about to go home anyway.”

“Yeah.. but not with me..”

“What? Harry, you’re talking nonsense.”

“Eleanor..”

Louis stayed silent.

“You would have gone home with her, wouldn’t you? I’m sorry.”

Louis sat down at the corner of Harrys bed, looking him deep in the eye, a smile playing on his lips.

“Bullshit. I didn’t do anything with her. Just a few dances and drinks, that’s all. You know, you are my favorite to go home with.” Louis gave a silent laugh before bending down to give Harrys forehead a quick peck.

“And now, sleep tight.”

After that, Louis stood up to turn off the light, and then, instead of going to his own bed, he went back to Harrys. Snuggled against each other, Harry fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Maybe he wouldn’t lose his best friend to some random girl after all.


	3. Chapter 3

As Harry woke up the next day Louis wasn’t there. He may have heard some noises coming from the bathroom but his headache was so strong that he couldn’t really concentrate on anything.

Actually everything hurt, not just his head and he felt like he had been run over by a truck.

When he opened his eyes his aches got worse. Everything twirled around, his vision was blurry and he wasn’t quite sure what was up and what was down.

One thing he found was the aspirin on his bedside table. Thankfully!

Relieved he took them and swallowed them dry before letting himself fall back on his bed; exhausted just from that few movements.

He was back to sleep less than a minute later!

~~~

When he woke up the second time Louis was there.

When he realized that Harry had started to move in his bed he came over from the table he had sat on before, kneeling next to Harrys headboard.

“How are you?”, he whispered.

Harry gave a soft groaning noise, muttering a quiet “feeling like shit”.

Louis said nothing; he just started to stork his hair, tried to comfort him.

They settled in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Harry spoke up again. “Thanks again for last night. I… I really don’t know what got into me. I don’t know why I drank so much.“

“It’s okay. You just started the semester the proper way.” Louis gave a quick laugh before he continued with a softer voice. “Plus, you would have done the same for me! We probably aren’t even square by now; I’m more the sure that you are still at least thirteen favours ahead. So you really don’t have to worry.”

Harry made an indefinable sound before he fell asleep once again.

~~~

Not until the afternoon Harry was able to finally get up and that was probably just because he was very hungry because his headache was still strong.

At supper the first thing he heard was Niall shouting: “Oi, he is still alive!”

Liam wasn’t there, because on the weekend he stays with Danielle in their flat and Zayn gave him a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Harry hummed as he sat down.

Louis got behind him to massage his shoulders. “Still a bit exhausted but he is on a good way.”

Niall and Zayn laughed out loud before they sat down as well.

While they ate, Niall told them, that there didn’t happened anything special at the party after Louis and Harry had left and that they went straight home as well after Zayn and Louis had hung up.

Later, as Niall and Louis left to get some dessert, Zayn told Harry, that Louis left Eleanor not even half an hour after Harry had left them and that Louis got very worried as Harry didn’t came back to them, which was why he spend nearly the rest of the party just looking for him.

Harry couldn’t quite figure out why Zayn told him that with such a cheery grin on his face but he realized a calming and soothing feeling seeping through his body, thought he wasn’t sure if he should be happy or concert about that…

~~~

Two days later Louis got a text from Eleanor!

Even if nothing had happened between them, they apparently had switched their numbers.

As Harry confronted Louis about if he was interested in her he just had shrugged his shoulders and had said something like “She is nice.“ As Harry had raised his eyebrows in question Louis just added: “Well, I don’t know. She really is lovely, but I don’t think she’s my type.”

Harry wasn’t sure what to think of that answered, because he wasn’t blind. He could see that Eleanor was a beautiful girl and probably just as nice as she looks – basically the dream of every young man – but he decides to not enquire what exactly Louis had meant with not his type.

What soothed him was the fact that now, without any alcohol involved, he was able to observe the situation more rationally.

He actually wanted to laugh about his behavior at the party. He couldn’t figure out anymore why he did it, why he got himself so drunk, but he laid the blame on Zayn, who obviously made him think something he didn’t really thought.

After the party Zayn had stopped trying to talk with him about Louis as well.

And so the first month back at university went off pretty normal: Classes – studying – chilling together and enjoying their spare time.

The thing between Louis and Eleanor didn’t become serious, too.

Sober, Eleanor was more than shy, so both just stayed in contact because they texted each other.

Otherwise they didn’t really spend time with each other, let alone went on a date.

Not that Harry complained. He thought they weren’t a good march anyway.

But it wasn’t like he had to think about that, because Louis never talked about Eleanor and Harry knew he would, if his opinion about Eleanor would have changed.

As Liam once asked him about Eleanor he just answered: “We are good friends. Nothing more, nothing to talk about!“

And that was it, no more talking about her.

Everything was back to normal. No silly feelings and thoughts were left in Harrys head!

~~~

Only Liam and Danielles house party in the middle of October could destroy the new found normality in Harrys life.

~~~

This time it was a real party, with more people, more foot, more alcohol and music. Actually it was a really good party! Everyone danced around, got drunk and enjoyed the good atmosphere.

Especially Niall and Louis enjoyed the party to the fullest.

Only one hour in the party and Niall already stood on the table in the living room, singing along to every song and Louis was in the middle of his third drinking game.

Zayn enjoyed the party as well, just with less alcohol but with a lovely blond girl with whom he stood in the kitchen, flirting like his life depends on it.

And Liam ran around to ask everyone if they enjoy themselves and he was very because they did.

Harry however didn’t enjoy the party that much. It may have been because of his last alcohol fiasco so that he still wasn’t quite fond of drink that much.

But probably more because she was here, too!

After weeks of texting, Louis and Eleanor were finally in the same room again. Just thinking about that they could probably talk to each other made Harry livid.

And so he found himself standing at the door which led from the corridor to the living room, only his second beer in his hand but alternately watching the scene in the different rooms.

In the living room there was Louis with some other students, playing and drinking a lot and in the corridor there was Danielle trying literary the hundredth time to encourage Eleanor to finally talk to Louis again.

Harry was relieved that Eleanor – less drunken – really was very shy but he knew the party only just had started and it was still enough time for her to find the courage to talk to Louis.

Harry stood there for a while without being sure why; wasn’t sure what he hoped that he could do, if he observed them that much.

Would he try to stop Eleanor when she would walk towards Louis? Did he wanted to prevent that Louis would see her, scared that he would try to talk to her?

Why didn’t he want them both to talk? After all, Louis had said loads of times, that he didn’t want her that way. And why would it be that bad if he would?

Why did he have all this thoughts back again? All this feelings he tried so hard to suppress since the last party!

Suppressed?

No, not suppressed, he never had them. These feelings and thoughts were non-existent!

Harry got tore out of his thoughts as he realised that someone was walking towards him.

Eleanor and Danielle!

But they didn’t walk towards him but towards the living room – towards Louis!

Harry wasn’t sure what to do? Should he stop them? But that would be crazy, wouldn’t it?

Instead, he entered the living room before them, walked straight to Louis, grasped him by his arms and pulled him away from his drinking game.

And now? Where should he go? He had acted in panic!

But why didn’t he want them both to talk? Was he jealous after all?

No! Yes? Maybe?

He was too confused about himself, wasn’t able to concentrate but he still knew that he had to do something.

His heart started to beat faster, like he had just run a marathon. He felt the panic in his whole body.

His behaviour was insane!

He pulled Louis out to the balcony; fresh air would probably be good for moth of them.

He coughed Eleanor looking at them a bit disappointed and sad, before he closed the glass door behind him.

When he turned around to look at Louis, he expected him to look at him with a questioning expression but Louis was actually drunker then he had thought.

He stood at the reeling of the balcony; steadying himself with both his hands to tries his best to stay up straight.

He looked at the sky and Harry had to smirk as he realised the delighted smile on Louis face.

As Harry got to stand beside him, Louis turned his head to look at him. The smile in his face changed, but Harry couldn’t figure out what it meant.

But before he was able to figure it out, Louis wrapped his arms around Harry waist; burring his face against Harry chest. He muttered something against Harrys jumper so he couldn’t understand a word.

Harry laughed out loud as he asked: „What did you say?“

Louis turned his head around, so that he was able to look up in Harrys eyes.

His eyes were darker as normal – probably because it was so dark – and he had a look on his face which Harry had never seen before.

He still wasn’t able to figure it out!

“Where have you been the whole evening? I hardly saw you… I missed you.”

Harry knew that Louis only said it because he was drunk but he couldn’t contain the smile that spread on his face.

Instead of answering anything he just squeezed Louis stronger – nearer – against him.

They stood like that for a while until someone opened the balcony door. As Harry turned his gaze reluctantly he recognized Niall who watched them both with a slightly confused look. Or maybe it was just a drunk look.

“Hey guys, come back in. We are going to play Truth or Dare!” The smile on his face was as bright as possible.

Harry was about to groan but then he felt Louis grip loose on his arm as he tumble back in the living room; screaming joyfully: “Oh yes, I love this game!”

~~~

All in all they found eleven volunteers to play with them. To Harrys annoyance Eleanor was one of them.

At the beginning, the truths and dares were harmless (With whom did you had your first kiss? With whom are you in love? Eat a whole chili!), but Louis – who else? – broke the inhibition level as he told a boy called Josh to walk through the whole staircase; naked!

After that, the dares outweigh because they were more fun which leaded to Zayn having to give his new acquaintanceship a lab dance, Niall having to seduce Liam, Harry to ring at a neighbor only wearing his briefs and Louis to call a random number and asked the girl who picked up when the last time was that she had sex.

Harry was relieved that there weren’t any truths or dares between Louis and Eleanor. Plus, he got Eleanor to spend seven minutes alone with another boy in Liam and Danielles bedroom and could note that Louis didn’t care the slightest.

But later he had to hold his breath in fear as it was Danielles turn and she asked Louis. Harry knew that if he would pick dare, that Danielle would chose one involving Eleanor because these two exchanged hopeful glances.

To his relieve Louis picked truth.

Danielle gave Eleanor an apologizing look before she turned back to Louis. “Do you have a crush on someone at the moment?”

Involuntary, Harry looked to Louis and his heartbeat quickened up.

Why?

Without missing a beat, Louis shook his head. “Nope, not at the moment. I haven’t for a while actually…”

Harry tired his best to ignore the feeling of disappointment in his chest he couldn’t quite understand and instead tried to concentrate on the renewed feeling of relief that Louis really wasn’t interested in Eleanor.

Still, as he tried to smile he felt that it was totally forced.

But Louis didn’t realize anything. He looked around in the circle before his eyes stopped at Liam. “Ha, Liam! Now it’s your turn.“ Louis glared at Liam mischievously and laughed out loud. “Truth or Dare?“

Liam looked through the room nervously, was unsure what he should pick because… well, because it was Louis who asked and everyone knew that he could be a little shit sometimes.

To be safe, everyone would probably pick Truth, because everyone knew that that was the easy way out (you could always lie if the truth was too uncomfortable) but Liam knew that Louis had some questions with which he could embarrass Liam to Danielle.

That was probably the reason why he answered with „Dare.“

“Well, well. Dare, yeah?“ To make a scenic effect – or maybe because he didn’t realized anymore how slow he already spoke – he paused to take a swig of his beer before he looked at Liam again; a big bright smile on his face. “I dare you to kiss Zayn.“

Liams eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth in shock, unable to say anything.

Zayn instead, responded immediately: „Oi, don’t get me involved! That’s unfair!“

Louis uttered a bugged „don’t be a jerk!“, while Zayn and Liam looked at each other nervously.

What felt like forever, nothing happened so that Louis spoke up again: „Hey, come one guys. Don’t make such a fuss! It’s just a kiss, no tongue if that makes you happy. Just a quick peck on the mouth.“

Still, Zayn and Liam made no move to even look at each other. Both looked at the floor, saying no words.

„Why do you make such a big deal out of it? A kiss under mates, I didn’t knew that that’s such a big deal!“ By now, Louis sounded pretty annoyed.

As Liam and Zayn still made little to none move to kiss anytime soon, Louis began to stand up. “Come on, it’s just a game but with you it makes no fun.“

With that, Zayn finally moved; glared angrily at Louis. “It’s easy for you to talk! You don’t have to kiss your mate! You are the one who can laug-“

Zayn booked off in mid-sentence as Louis sat down again, remaining in a kneeling position to give Zayn an irritated look before turning towards Harry.

Harry, who had watched the scenario nervously, didn’t understand what happened until he felt Louis lips on his.

But as soon as he felt them, the lips had already disappeared and Louis had stood up again.

Harry, still overwhelmed from the whole situation, looked up at Louis, who was looking at Liam and Zayn. “It’s that simple! A quick peck; a joke; irrelevant and without any meaning. But hey, make a big deal out of everything!“

As no one responded anything Louis turned on his heels and disappeared with the words “Well, I’m going to drink some more.“, in the kitchen.

Suddenly everyone was silent and looked at Harry – well, nearly everyone.

Harry himself was still slightly dazed while he looked speechless at the spot Louis just had disappeared seconds ago.

As he realized that they were looking at him he tried to say something – anything!

He thought about something stupid like “See, it wasn’t that difficult.”, but he wasn’t able to speak.

The rest probably thought that the game was over, because one by one stated to stand up and went elsewhere in the flat.

Harry still gazed into space until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

It was Zayns, but the other two looked concerned as well, seeming slightly confused.

Harry, not ready to talk to them, just shook his head before he stood up and excused himself with the words “I’m back soon.”, and went straight to the bathroom.

As he had looked the bathroom door, Harry had to steady himself with both his hands on the sink. Even if he hadn’t drunk that much he suddenly felt very dizzy.

What‘s wrong with him? It was just a kiss!

A joke; irrelevant and without any meaning to say it in Louis words.

But why couldn‘t he control his heartbeat since this one little joke?

Harry looked up from the sink to look in the mirror which hung above.

He looked awful! One’s could see the confusion and shock from thousands of kilometer distance.

“Idiot!“, he spat out before his gaze fell to his own lips.

Immediately he felt the warmth from Louis which spread over his lips through his whole body and he couldn’t stop himself as he raised his hand and moved his index finger over his bottom lip; careful like he was scared to hurt himself. All he could think about was how Louis lips had felt on his own only a few minutes ago; fitting perfectly together.

Then he looked up at his eyes through the mirror and both his hands moved back to the sink, gripping strong so his knuckles turned white.

“Idiot!“, he repeated. „Idiot, idiot, idiot!“

He couldn’t stop staring at himself in the mirror and even as someone – probably Zayn – knocked at the door to check on him, he didn’t hear it; or ignored it.

Later, he wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t like he cared!

He was too busy trying to figure himself out and in the end he had to realise that the kiss – the stupid little peck – was more than just a joke for him and defiantly not irrelevant!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, it’s a bit shorter than the other chapters and a bit of a filler too, but I swear that the next one won’t be!!  
> And don’t forget, my English is shit :P
> 
> Tumblr: theirtattoosthough

Later in his bed Harry couldn’t sleep!

He lay on is back, face to the ceiling as he asked himself again and again: What did the kiss change? And why?

 

Eventually, he rolled to the side and looked at Louis who lay in his bed; fast asleep.

As he lay like that he looked a bit like an innocent little boy who mumbled in his sleep. Harry couldn’t contain a big smile – the affection probably spread all over his face.

 

Damn it!! One stupid peck and he was in love?

 

His breath stocked in his throat as soon as he realized what he just had thought. He wasn’t in love!

But he also had to admit that he couldn’t pretend anymore that the kiss didn’t change anything for him. But why?

 

And with that he was back to the question he couldn’t stop thinking about.

 

He turned his gaze away from Louis and back up to the ceiling.

 

But did the relationship really changed that much?

He knew from the beginning, since the first time he met Louis, that he was special especially for him and the unique connection between them was obviously nothing new.

New was the need for more than being friends! That’s something he never felt for Louis before. The need to kiss, touch and feel him.

 

Liar!

 

The need to touch and hug him was always there!

But he could say that till now it had a different meaning… it wasn’t sexual.

 

But why was it sexual now? He didn’t want to sleep with Louis!

He was confused, yes, but wasn’t that normal? Like, many people went through this phase.

A phase with feelings caused by stupid actions and lots of alcohol.

 

But since tonight he couldn’t lay the blame on the alcohol anymore.

All he could hope for was that some sleep would help his situation and that everything would be clearer the next day.

Maybe Louis felt similar and they both would be able to talk and than they could laugh about it.

 

~~~

 

Harry had to realize that the kiss hadn’t any effect on Louis. He behaved as always, towards Harry as well, and didn’t think it was necessary to even talk about the kiss.

But what had Harry hoped for? What changes did he had expected? Louis had said more than once that it was just a game for him!

Still, Harry couldn’t deny that he had raised his hopes for… he didn’t even know for what.

Did he want them to be more than best friend? Did he want to go on a date? On more than one? Did he want to be in a relationship?

Oh god, that was so ridiculous! It was one fucking peck, nothing more, nothing serious!

 

But Louis could have kissed anybody, couldn’t he? Why him? Because he was Louis best friend? He could have kissed Eleanor as well but he didn’t! He picked Harry out of all possibilities!

On the other hand, Louis wanted to prove something to Liam and Zayn – two boys – so he had to kiss a boy as well. And if he had to kiss a boy, his best friend would be the first choice, obviously.

Was that the only reason why Louis had picked him?

But Harry couldn’t ask him, especially because Louis decides to completely ignore the kiss.

So Harry decided that he wanted to figure himself out first before talking to anyone about his confusion.

Was he gay now? Was he bi? Or really just confused?

 

~~~

 

In the end he settled for being confused! His head was full of questions he couldn’t find an answer to.

And as long as he couldn’t make sense out of his thoughts he wouldn’t bother anyone else. Especially Louis because their friendship was important to him. More important than anything.

That’s why he wanted to suppress his feelings and tried his best to act normal.

 

If he would behave normal and stopped getting distracted by his confusion the feelings would maybe even disappear!

 

~~~

 

And from that moment on Harrys motto was “behave normal“.

But he was so careful to act normal that sometimes in the end he acted more than strange and suspiciously different.

 

Every time when Louis gave him a hug, Harry could feel the tension creeping up in him, his whole body tensing up until he realized that his reaction was anything but normal for them because they gave each other hugs all the time.

Sometimes, when Louis talked to him he even wasn’t able to respond right, he just stammered without saying anything important – like a twelve year old girl who talked to her crush for the first time.

 

It was like he didn’t know anymore what was normal for him.

 

But one thing he was sure would be a “normal behavior for a 19 year old young man“ was dating. And that’s why he met up with Cara more often. It always was because of their project but he thought about changing that soon.

 

~~~

 

“And you are going to meet Cara this afternoon? Again?“

Niall, Liam and Harry sat on a grass field near the campus to actually do some homework while waiting for the other two who still had classes.

 

Niall raised his eyebrows as he didn’t get a respond; a mocking smile on his face. “Are you both going to be more than good friends?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders without looking at Niall.

“Ha!” Niall pointed at him. „I knew it! I knew ages ago that she is your type!“

 

Harry still didn’t look at him.

He was ashamed of himself because he still had no interest in Cara but wasn’t able to tell his friends that their meetings were all just for their school project.

And he knew that he was a bad liar and that was why he kept his face down and didn’t say anything about Nialls comments. And if they would read something in it that wasn’t there he didn’t care either; he just hoped that if they concentrate on him and Cara that they wouldn’t want to talk about him and Louis.

 

“You could go on a double date with Eleanor and Louis.“, said Liam with a smile on his face.

He probably didn’t really thought about what he just said and was a bit taken back at Harrys piercing reaction. “What?!”

Liam looked at Harry with confusion. “I… Well… Eh, I mean… Louis and Eleanor? You know about what’s going on; the texting and stuff.“

“And stuff? Fuck Liam, what are you talking about!“

Harry glared at him until he realized that his reaction must seem a bit overreacted to them.

He coughed slightly before he spoke up again: “They aren’t dating, are they?”

„He didn’t tell you?“ Liam looked worried.

“What? What the hell should he have told me? Are they together? Did something happen at the party?“

 

The party – the kiss – was an awkward topic; especially between Liam, Zayn and Harry.

Niall was too drunk to even remember it and as they told him about it the next day, he gave Harry a smack on the back and agreed with Louis. “Liam? Zayn? You both really are some drags!“

Obviously, Louis and Harry never talked about it and as Louis was sober he wasn’t mad at Liam and Zayn anymore.

But Liam and Zayn had tried to talk to Harry about it because they had been the ones who opened the bathroom door with the spare key and found Harry sitting silently at the bathtub. They had been confused and concerned; especially Zayn who felt vindicated in his theory, but Harry had just snapped at them and told them they shouldn’t read too much in his reaction.

(“Plus, you both aren’t allowed to say anything. You were in shock too, as he said you should kiss each other. Just imagine how one of you would have reacted if the other would have kissed you. You would have reacted just like me. Taken by surprise, that’s all I was.“ “You didn’t wanted to kiss him?“ „What? No, of course not! Are you crazy?“)

He could convinced them that he really was just surprised and so they stopped talking about the kiss thought it was still a delicate subject.

 

But of course, what he had said was a lie and that’s why he reacted so alarmed and confused at what Liam had said.

 

“No! No, nothing happened!“ Liam looked around; hoping for some help but Niall looked at Liam just as keen as Harry. Liam sighed. „Okay, I don’t know why Louis didn’t tell you but apparently he is going on a date with Eleanor.”

“Finally!”, Niall screamed.

“A date? How..? I mean, why…? Like, did he ask her out or what?” Harry looked at Liam with wide eyes.

 

No, that couldn’t be. Louis would have told him, wouldn’t he? But well, he never had been very communicative about the subject Eleanor, so…? But till now it wasn’t anything major, just some texts. He would have told him about a date!

 

Still, here he was, looking at Liam without any clue about what was going on.

 

“She asked him. Or actually Danielle stole her mobile and asked for her because she was so disappointed that at the party nothing happened between them.”

“And he said yes?“ Harry was still shocked that this was the first time he heard about it, thought he was happy it wasn’t him who asked her.

Liam shook his head. “I don’t know… But I think so. I mean, why wouldn’t he? She is a beautiful and very nice girl.”

Harry opened his mouth to respond something but he wasn’t sure what he even was about to say so he closed it again.

Niall began to speak instead: “But maybe he didn’t say yes. He would have told us about it, wouldn’t he? I mean, we ar-“ He broke himself off as he seemed to spot something behind Harry. As he started to speak again, he had a huge smile in his face: “Why don’t we just ask Mister Casanova himself?”

Harry turned around and cached sight of Louis who walked towards them, a smile on his face.

As he arrived he stopped behind Harry and Harry leaned his back and head against his legs while looking up into his face.

Louis looked down to him as he asked everyone: “Well, how was your day?“

“Different but more important question: How was your day?“ Louis turned is face towards Niall. It seemed like he didn’t understand what Niall meant with his question which leaded to Niall launching out loud. “Did you write some texts today?”

As Louis still looked blankly at Niall, he added: “Don’t act so innocent! We all know that you write with Eleanor on a daily basis. And we also know about your date. I can’t believe she had to make the first move.” He laughed again.

Louis however turned to look at Harry but Louis turned away as their eyes met.

Harry watched him confused but Louis avoided his eyes. Even as he started to speak: “Yes… she asked me out. And I… Actually I didn’t want to but she asked so nice and a date doesn’t have to mean anything, dose it? So…“

Suddenly he looked back to Harry with an apologetically expression.

Why apologetically? Why did he felt like he needed to exculpate himself?

“I couldn’t say no to her, could I?“

“Who could have said no to a girl like her? I think it’s cool!“ Niall lifted his hand and hoped that Louis would high-five him but Louis was too distracted looking at Harry until Harry couldn’t stand it anymore.

He had to leave!

“I… eh, I have to go. My meeting with Cara, you know!” This time it was Harry who avoided looking Louise in the eyes.

Quickly, he took is bag and stormed off towards the café next to the campus where he and Cara always met up.

But before he was out of earshot he heard Niall screaming after him: „Go and get her, curly! Think about all the double dates with Louis and Eleanor!”

 

~~~

 

In shock, Harry hat to realize that he felt like he wouldn’t be able to handle it if Louis and Eleanor really would start dating.

 

But he also felt like something was bothering Louis as well…

 

~~~

 

Harrys solution to get everything back on track was Cara.

As he hardly entered the café and sat down next to her, Harry took her hand and looked her in the eyes as he said: „Go on a date with me!“


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a bit later than usual but it’s also longer! And a little warning: I'm just going to post it right now because I want it to be out and I’m going to reread it tomorrow evening because there will be even more mistakes than usual.
> 
> So prepare for even shittier English in the next 24 hours, after that it’s hopefully only my normal shitty English I always apoligise for.  
> Other than that I actually really like this chapter!

“You wanna go on a date with me? I… Harry, what? Why?” Cara let go of Harrys hand and looked at him.

“Are there so many reasons why a boy would ask a beautiful girl to go on a date with him?” Harry made a nervous laughter; he wasn’t used to girls ditching him.

 

Or was he nervous because of another reason? Was he scared he lost his special charm he used to have on girls, now that he was… confused?!

 

“No, I just never thought you would ask me out.”, said Cara. “I mean, you never made a move on me before, so… well, I thought we are just good friends. What changed?”

Harry took her hands back in his bigger ones. They felt so small and fragile, they reminded him of Louis.

Everything reminded him of Louis!

 

Harry shook his head and tried to focus on his plan.

“I always liked you. That I didn’t made a move before doesn’t mean anything accept that I respect you and didn’t wanted to screw thing up before they even started.” Harry looked her deep in the eyes. “I think you are special.”

Pleased, he realized that her cheeks took on a darker shade of red; the charm was still there!

He gave her a bright smile before he asked again: “So, about that date? What do you say?”

It was her turn to give a nervous smile. “Yeah… yes sure.”

 

~~~

 

Harry asked her to go to the Halloweenball on the weekend with him; a costume ball.

He would pick her up, they would go a little romantic picnic before – because she didn’t want to go to a restaurant dressed at whatever she was going to pick – and then they would go to the ball together.

He was going to show everyone how happy he was with her and he defiantly didn’t choose the ball because he knew that his friends – and Louis – would be there, too!

 

Of course not, because that would be ridiculous!

 

~~~

 

Later that day, when Harry went back to his dorm, Louis wasn’t there but when Harry came out of the shower, he was.

He sat on the sofa while watching TV and only looked up for a second as Harry entered the room.

 

Was it weird that Harry was a bit disappointed that Louis reacted totally normal as he saw him standing in their dorm, only wearing a towel low on his hips? Probably yes, but Harry stopped caring.

He had to concentrate in Cara from now on!

 

“Fancy going somewhere to eat? I’m starving.”, asked Louis, still not looking up from the TV while Harry was putingt on some clothes. “We could ask Zayn and Niall to join us.”

“Uh… I actually ate already; with Cara during our meeting.” At that, Louis finally looked up and Harry gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll just ask Zayn and Niall then.” Louis turned the TV off and got up from the sofa.

Harry looked after him as Louis walked to the door to put on some shoes. He still looked at him, as Louis stopped in the doorway. “I’m just curious. You two are more than project partners now?”

“What? No! Why do you think that?”

 

Why are you laying Harry? Till today you two are more; you are going on a date with her in a few days!

 

“Well, you ate dinner with her today and as far as I know, your project isn’t about foot, so…?” He raised his eyebrows at him.

“We met up in the café across the campus and we both were very hungry at some point, so we ordered some foot. But it wasn’t like we planned that before. It wasn’t like a date if you think that.”

Louis didn’t seem convinced. “Yeah, whatever. It’s not like you tell me much about her.”

He moved his hand to the door handle and was about to open the door as Harry laughed out loud. “You are someone to tell.” His voice sounded bitchier as he had intended to.

Louis stopped in the doorway. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He sounded even bitchier as he glared at Harry with wide eyes.

 

Well, that’s sounded like a row was coming up!

 

“You are the one who doesn’t tell anything!”, Harry nearly screamed.

Why the hell were they even rowing? Two minutes ago they were just talking about foot.

“Like what?!” Louis had his hands curled into two strong fists.

“Like Eleanor? You never talk about her! Never! And now you are going on a date with her?” That, Harry screamed. “But you are standing here, having a go at me because I ate something with a friend?”

Louis mouth hung open until he snapped. “It’s none of your business!”

“Oh isn’t it? I actually thought best friends would tell each other everything. But instead, Liam has to tell me. And all you have to say is an apologetic look and something like you couldn’t say no to her? Why didn’t you tell me?” Harrys head was red because of his anger. “I never keep anything from you!”

 

Accept from that one little big secret!

 

“Okay, you wanna know everything? I write with her every day, I thing she is nice and lovely and perfect and I’m going on a date with her on Friday. Happy now?!”

Harry felt like Louis had slapped him in the face. He probably did, because everything felt numb.

When did Louis start liking her? Harry didn’t understand.

So he just stood still, wide eyes and his mouth hung open.

Louis looked at him like he didn’t understand what had just happened as well.

“Harry… I… I’m sorry. I don’t know why I snapped. And I’m sorry I didn’t spoke to you about her.” Louis took a few steps toward him. “I don’t even know why.”

Harry took a step back. “I think you should go.”

Suddenly, Louis looked hurt and confused. Harry knew he looked hurt, too, but he knew it wasn’t because of their row or because Louis didn’t talk to him about Eleanor. It was because Harry was jealous; jealous because he knew now for sure that Louis liked her. He knew he would lose him to her, because he wasn’t strong enough to share him. He knew she had what he wanted. He knew that this was just the beginning of a big Fuck You from the universe or whatever.

And he knew he would never be able to talk to him about it so instead he just said: “And don’t be sorry. I’m going on a date with Cara, too.” He looked up at Louis. “So I guess we are even.” And then he turned around and started to cry as he heard the door shut behind him.

 

~~~

 

That was what he tried so hard to avoid!

Letting his confusion infect his friendship with Louis; that was what he was scared of.

But here he was; miserable and sad and not talking to his soul mate.

No super cool life together with Louis but a big silence in their dorm.

In general, it was all shit.

 

~~~

 

He didn’t talk to him the rest of the week. Not till the Halloweenball on Saturday.

 

~~~

Harry dressed up as a police officer and as he picked Cara up she called him “Hot Chief” so he was quiet satisfied with his choice.

 

The picnic was lovely but Harry couldn’t deny that he felt as if it was a bit put-on.

And it was defiantly not her fault. She looked more than good in her fairies costume and anyone would be lucky to be in his position. They laughed a lot and enjoyed themselves and Harry was happy to get to know her better but in the end it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t what he wanted.

And Cara seemed to notice. She realized that it was mostly her talking and him listening and that he seemed kind of off.

And he was!

Because he thought about Louis!

Since their row he felt like he thought about Louis even more and them not talking to each other was hard.

Niall told him the day after their row that Louis was miserable, too, and Harry knew it. He could see it when they both were together in their dorm. He felt it when Louis tried to ignore and avoid him.

Still, both didn’t want to make the first step towards each other.

 

“Harry, are you even listening?” Cara looked at him as she realized that he once again had dozen off.

“I…what? No!” He looked up at her. “No, sorry. That’s a shit date, isn’t it?”

She smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand. “I just wonder why you asked me out. I mean, I knew it was weird but you literary begged me. And here we are and it seems like you’re thinking about someone else.”

Harry looked shocked.

Was it that obvious? Of course it was! He couldn’t convince himself so why should he convince someone else.

“It’s okay. It really is. I always felt like we are supposed to be friends.” She still smiled at him and he felt that he smiled back. “Who is she?”

His smile faltered again. “I… I don’t think you kno-“

“Don’t give me that shit.” Cara laughed out loud. “I’ll find out anyway. I’m a clever girl.”

Harry couldn’t help but agree with her. She was a very smart girl and he was happy to know her and happy that she really wasn’t mad at him for kind of using her.

But still, he wasn’t ready to tell anyone so he just stood up and reached his hand out to help her up as well. “Come, let’s go to the ball. Maybe I’ll tell you when I’m drunk. “

And that was it; he couldn’t even pretend to be into her for like one hour!

 

~~~

 

As they entered the ball, the hall was already full of people and most of them seemed pretty drunk. Harry decided he wanted that, too, at least a bit, so he dragged Cara to a bar near the entrance.

“Okay, if we are friends now, go and get smashed with me.” Harry looked at her before ordering some vodka with rum and four shots.

Cara raised her eyebrows and looked at him, as he gave her a cup and two shots. “Someone has really big plans for tonight.”

“It’s going to be fun, you will see.” He raised one shot to signalize her that they are going to drink it together. He hardly felt the burn in his throat before he downed the other shot, too.

He wasn’t sure why he felt like drinking so much. Or maybe he did. He knew that Louis was here, probably with Eleanor and he wanted to nub himself before seeing them together.

He didn’t know how their date went the day before; obviously because he could just ask him – but if it went good and they were dating by now, than he didn’t want to see that; at least not in a sober state. If he would meet them, on the dance floor or anywhere, he actually hoped that he was already too drunk to even realize.

And that was why he ordered another four shots.

“Woah, Harry. What it this with you? Is the girl you are actually into taken or something?” Cara took the shots which the bartender had just put on the counter away from him. “I never saw you like this. Whoever that girl is, she isn’t worth it.”

Harry wanted to laugh at this but he didn’t. He knew she wouldn’t assume the right thing and he didn’t want her to feel bad by thinking that he laughed at her when he actually laughed at him and his stupid fucked up situation.

Cara watched him as he said nothing and it seemed like she felt a bit sorry for him. That’s probably why she switched the subject in an attempt to talk about something else. “Aren’t your friends here, too? Let’s search them and say hello.” She couldn’t know that it wasn’t really a subject change for him.

Still, he let her take his hand to drag him towards the crowd of people to look for his friends.

They found Niall first – at another bar.

As Niall saw them he raised his eyebrows and looked from Cara to Harry with a cheeky smile on his face. “Hey there, lovebirds.” His smile even widened as he spoke. “How was the date?” He even wiggled with his brows. It looked more than stupid.

Harry was about to say something as he felt two strong arms hugging him from behind. Harry tensed for a second until he realized that it was just Liam – a very drunk Liam.

“Haaarreeh.” Liam slurred into Harrys ear before he looked at Cara. “Did you two… you know.” He probably tried to whisper but he was too drunk to realize that he actually screamed and that everyone around them could hear what he had said.

And suddenly there was Zayn who tried to free Harry from Liams strong hug. “I’m sorry Harry. I don’t know what happened to him. He’s obviously a clingy drunk.

“Hey! I’m not clingy, just missed Hareeh here.” Liam reached out to pat Harrys hair. “Hardly saw him this week.” And then he hugged him again.

Harry gave Zayn and Niall a confused look. Niall just shrugged his shoulders while Zayn looked between Cara and Harry. Harry rolled his eyes at that and turned to the bar as Liam finally let go of him.

Harry knew that Zayn wanted to talk about him and Cara and him and his row with Louis. That’s what he tried to do ever since the row but Harry was always able to avoid the discussion.

Harry knew that his friends wanted to know what happened between him and Louis and that they were confused that the best friends – HarryAndLouis – suddenly stopped talking to each other. But Harry wasn’t able to talk to them about it; he wasn’t ready.

But apparently Zayn was more determinate this time because he cornered Harry at the bar; no space to flee. “Doesn’t seem like the date went well?” He looked Harry in the eyes.

“Why do you think that?” Harry turned towards the bar with his back to Zayn, pretending like he wanted to order something. “We had a lot of fun together.”

“You can have fun with a friend. But she isn’t more than that, is she?”

Harry tied to ignore him.

“Harry! You know I would be there for you, if you ever want to talk about… it.” Harry felt a hand on his shoulder. “The others would be there for you, too, you know? No one would judge you.”

That’s when Harry snapped. He turned around and glared at Zayn. “Judge me? Why would they? There is no reason to talk such shit! Stop talking to me like you know something about me, when you defiantly do not!” And then he shouldered past Zayn, took Caras hand and dragged her at the dance floor.

 

Harry felt like shit.

This! This would have been the best opportunity to talk with someone. With Zayn, a good friend who he could trust with his whole heard. But instead he snapped at him.

This was all so wrong, he felt like he wasn’t able to think normal anymore and would ruined every of his friendships.

 

But instead of apologizing to Zayn, he stood pressed chest to chest against Cara and danced to a slow song.

“Harry? What’s that?” Cara tried to gesture between the two of them. “We are supposed to be friends, aren’t we? That’s… that’s weird if we are just friends. You know that, right?”

Harrys cheeks turned slightly red. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. Can we just dance for a while?”

“You are wired.” Cara laughed but kept on dancing with him.

 

And then he saw him: Louis with Eleanor dancing only a few feet away from them. And he felt the familiar sting in his heard as he watched them slow dancing while she had her chin at his shoulder.

But suddenly Louis looked up and their eyes met over the distance. Louis eyes widened and Harry saw as he looked him and Cara up and down before turning away and whispering something in Eleanors ear.

And then they walked away.

Harry looked after them but he kept on dancing with Cara until she suggested to drink once more.

And that was what they did for the next thirty minutes!

 

Harry learned that she was a tough girl who could drink quite a lot and it was him who had to stop them as he felt too dizzy.

“Is she here?” Cara asked out of the blue.

Harry looked at her and realized the drunken smile on her face as he nodded.

“We could make her jealous. I bet if she is at least a bit into you she’ll be jealous if she sees you with another girl. If you like someone you’re jealous, that’s a given fact.”

Harry could only agree because he knew well enough how jealous he felt towards Eleanor.

And because he was drunk and because his hope for a chance of a happy ending with Louis had risen once again, he took her by her hand and pulled her with him to look after Louis.

But they stumbled in Zayn and Liam instead.

“Harreee.” Liam seemed even drunker as at the last time they saw them.

“Hey Liam. You seem in a pretty good mood today.” Harry chuckled.

“I am. I am.” Lima gave him a drunken smile.

Harry smiled back before he turned to look at Zayn.

“Zayn.”

“Harry.”

“I think we should drink something.”, said Harry and smiled at him because he didn’t want to have another friend he didn’t talk to.

“We are okay?” Zayn asked with a slightly worried look on his face.

Harry sighed in relief and took Zayn by his wrist before all four headed towards the bar.

 

Harry can’t remember how many drinks he had in the end; all he knew was that it turned out to be a funny night.

Until; when at one point Cara talked with Liam and Danielle – who came a bit later because she had a dance gig – and Zayn and Harry ended up with being alone once again.

Harry looked at Zayn, expecting him to try to talk to him again and Zayn seemed to sense that because he just said: “No worries. I’m not planning to try to talk to you about it anymore.”

Harry laughed out loud. “Sorry, I was stupid earlier. I know that you are always there to talk. And believe me when I say, I’ll come to you if I think I need to.”

Zayn smiled at Harry before changing the subject. “So… you and Cara?” Zayn looked over Harrys shoulder to watch Cara standing with Liam and Danielle. “Doesn’t look like you two are a thing now?”

Harry laughed out loud again before answering. “No, defiantly not. Don’t get me wrong, she is very lovely but you should have seen me at the picnic. I was awkward as fuck. It wasn’t right.”

“Is it unfair to say I’m happy?”

“A bit, yeah.” They smiled at each other. “But it’s for the best. We are better at being friends.”

Harry turned over his shoulder to look at Cara, too, who looked at him at the exact moment so he waved and smiled at her.

Until his eyes caught someone else behind her.

Louis!

He walked with Eleanor by his side and Niall right behind them. But Harry only had eyes for Louis – who was looking at him as well.

Louis seemed a bit confused, his eyes wandering around and as if he was searching someone until his eyes lingered at Cara.

Harry could defiantly see how Louis eyes narrowed while glaring at her, then a quick look at Harry as if to check if he was still watching him and then he turned to Eleanor who was just about to chat with Danielle.

 

What the hell was that? Why was Louis checking on him to make sure that he was watching him and Eleanor? Was he trying to prove something? Like, that he didn’t need him?

 

But then Louis leaned down to her and kissed her and Harry didn’t understand it because while kissing Eleanor, Louis looked up and glared at Harry, like, what the hell?

Even thought Harry didn’t understand Louis intension he couldn’t stop himself as he walked to Cara and put his arms on her hips while whispering in her ear: “Sorry, I need to do that.”

And she get it, she understood that he needed her to make someone jealous. And he was happy to have her and happy that he didn’t need to use her; happy that she understood him even if she didn’t know everything.

So she turned her head and made a very girly giggle before kissing his cheek and leaning into him. She also whispered something in his ear but Harry was too concentrated on glaring at Louis who glared right back at him.

 

Why did he do that? Why didn’t he concentrate on Eleanor while kissing her?

 

Harry gave Cara a soft peck on the neck before he turned her around in her arms. He didn’t care that the others were probably watching him, at least Zayn, all he cared about was Louis and why he behaved like that.

And he was about to lean down to give Cara a proper kiss on the mouth as well as he caught Louis out of the corner of his eyes pushing Eleanor against the nearest wall and pushing himself into her.

 

And that was when it clicked. Louis was jealous, too. Jealous at Harry and Cara!

But why?

Harry always felt like Louis didn’t thought about their kiss the other week? He always chose to ignore talking about it, but what if it was because he was just as confused about it as Harry was?

Suddenly Harry was sick about them playing with each other. What they did was more than stupid and defiantly not what he wanted. Why did he play with Louis and pretended to be mad at him if they could have something so much better?

So he let go of Cara and turned on his heels; leaving the party, his friends and Louis behind.

 

This whole situation was more than fucked up!

 

~~~

As Harry finally felt the fresh air hit his lungs he also realized how drunk he actually was. He had to reach for a fence while walking straight to the campus. And all he wanted to do was sleep.

But then he heard footsteps behind him; someone chasing after him. He didn’t bother to stop until that someone called his name.

“Harry.”

He stopped walking but didn’t turn around.

“Harry! What the hell? Where are you going?”

At that, Harry turned around to glare in the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. “What do you want, Louis?”

Louis looked a bit shocked at Harrys harsh reaction. “I… I just wanted to check that you are going to get home safe.”

Harry rolled his eyes and started to walk again but Louis was right behind him and tried to catch up with his pace. It wasn’t like Harry was that quick because both were pretty drunk and just normal walking seemed kind of difficult to them.  
Plus, Harry tried his best not to think too much about why Louis followed him. What was that even? He thought they didn’t talk to each other.

And all Louis wanted was Harrys attention: “Harry! Harry would you please stop.”

But Harry was able to ignore him until they both entered the floor of their dorm and Harry couldn’t take it anymore. “Why, Louis, why?”

“Wh- What?” Louis looked at him with wide eyes.

“Why do you want me to stop? Why do you care if I make it home safe? I thought we ignored each other!” Harry glared at him and had to contain himself to not punch the wall behind Louis head. “And what the fuck was this show with your bird? What did you wanted to prove to me?”

Harry could see how Louis confused and shocked expression turned in anger. “Show? I didn’t put up a show! I made out with the girl I date! That’s totally normal.”

“Oh.” Harry made a mocking face as if he had just realized the most obvious thing. “So that’s what you tired to prove to me; that you a normal. Got the massage. Now leave me alone.”

And then Harry turned around once again and tried to walk the last few steps to their dorm but as he was about to put the key in the lock someone – Louis – took him by his shoulder and turned him around so that his back was pressed against the door.

Harry was shocked about how close Louis face was to his and wasn’t able to move.

“What the fuck is up with you, Haz? Since a few weeks you behave like… like crazy, I don’t know.” His expression softened as he spoke.

Harry felt dizzy but he wasn’t sure if it was because of all the alcohol he had consumed or because he could feel Louis breath on his cheek while he spoke. However, he wasn’t able to answer.

“And don’t call Eleanor a bird. She is a lovely gi-“

“Don’t!” Harry interrupted Louis, because no matter how drunk he was, he couldn’t listen to Louis talking about Eleanor and about how good and right and what not ever she was. “Don’t talk about her.” He whispered.

Louis looked up at him, no anger left in his eyes as he reached one of his tiny hands out to cup Harrys cheek and chin. “I won’t.” Louis whispered back. “Not if you’re around, because then all I can think about is you.”

Harry had to hold his breath. What the fuck was happening right now?

“You and Cara? Are you… are you together?” Louis cheeks turned slightly red at that question.

Harry shook his head; still not able to speak.

“Good.”, whispered Louis before leaning in.

This time Harry felt the touch of lips before they disappeared but that was, because they didn’t. Louis small lips caught his own and slightly moved against them. Harry wanted to kiss back, he really did but there were so many questions in his head so he couldn’t really concentrate on kissing.

He raised his hands to Louis shoulders and pushed him back a bit until he was able to look him in the eyes.

Louis seemed confused and shocked and also a bit hurt but Harry needed to ask. “What about Eleanor? What about us? We didn’t speak to each other because of her.”

Louis gave Harry a soft smile. “I don’t care about her. It was all fun and games. I care about this.” He made a move with his hand to gesture between the two of them. “Us, I care about us. We are so good to each other, aren’t we? We fit, and I think this,” he leaned in to give Harry a quick pack on the mouth, “is way better then fighting.”

They didn’t clear anything between each other but Harry couldn’t care less about that at the moment. All he could think about was Louis and his small soft lips.

So this time it was him who leaned in and caught Louis lips. They moved in sync and Louis leaned in impossible close like he wanted to touch Harry everywhere.

In the end he settled with one hand in his hair and the other at his hips, while Harry had both his hands around Louis neck to pull him in even more.

Harry shuddered as he felt Louis tongue against his bottom lip and even more as he parted his lips and felt Louis tongue slight against his own. He couldn’t contain a moan and had to lean his head back against the door at this sensational feeling; Louis was a good kisser.

At that, Louis moves his lips from Harrys lips to his jaw, to his ear and then to his neck where he gave him open mouth kisses and sucked a bit until Harry was sure that there would be a red mark the next day.

And then his lips were back on Harrys but his hand on Harrys hip moved to Harrys ass. Louis gave it a quick squeeze and Harry keened into his mouth before Louis hand moved in Harrys back pocked to pull out the keys.

Louis kept kissing Harry while he opened the door and as Harry heard the click behind him, he pushed the door open with his bum. Louis moves in the room, Harry moves backwards and let himself guide by Louis until he felt a bed behind him.

Louis leaned back a bit to grin at Harry and to curl a hand in the material of Harrys shirt. Hr gave him one quick pack before Louis pushed Harry down onto the mattress so that he was lying flat on his back.

Louis looked down at him while Harry looked up with wide eyes before Louis kneed at the mattress and moved forward so that he sat at Harrys lap, his tights at the high of Harrys hips.

When Louis leaned in once again they kissed for several minutes, just breaking the kiss to breath.

And Harry felt happy.

He wasn’t sure how he got there, kissing Louis and moaning into his mouth when they sometimes moved their crotches against each other but it was all he wanted at the moment.

He knew that they still had to talk about them in the morning and that they had to work out whatever that was between them but kissing Louis was enough for the moment.

Actually, it was more than enough and Harry was more than happy.

 

But it was very late and they both were very drunk and at some point they both were too tired to keep on kissing. They still wanted to feel each other thought so they fell asleep with Louis back against Harrys chest and Harrys arms curled around Louis waist.

 

Harry felt finally happy, even thought there were more questions in his head after this night then before, but Harry was finally sure about one thing: that he was about to fell in love with Louis Tomlinson, his best friend!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning not the end! And thank you to everyone who reads it and likes it and… yeah just thank you, I appreciate every single one!!  
> And let me know what you think :)


	6. Chapter 6

When Harry woke up the next morning he thought the night before was a dream.

But then someone moved next to him and as he turned around he saw Louis curled together in a ball and a little smile on his face.

Harry wanted to reach out and cup Louis cheeks, wanted to touch the small lips with his thumb, trace the lovely skin he had discovered in a new way only a few hours ago.

But instead, he just looked at Louis, smiled and thought about how happy he finally felt.

He knew that he and Louis still had to talk about what that was between them, but maybe, just maybe, they would be more than best friends from now on. Maybe he could touch and kiss and be with him and would be able to hold his hand in public and go on dates with him and…

He couldn’t even stop thinking about all the good things that he would be able to do. And he couldn’t stop smiling because he was so happy being this close with Louis.

So, instead of standing up, he moved forward to lay his head down on Louis chest and tried to sleep a bit more.

 

~~~

 

When Harry woke up the second time Louis had left.

He didn’t left a note or anything so Harry had no clue where he went but he decided to wait so they could eat breakfast together. Or so they could talk.

 

But Louis never came back.

 

~~~

He had called Niall after he had waited longer than an hour and went to breakfast with him and Zayn. He waited for them to asked silly questions or to make a comment on Harry and Louis behavior at the party. But just like Zayn had promised, he stopped pushing Harry for any reaction so they ate in an awkward silence, though Harry was happy they didn’t ask because he wasn’t sure what he was allowed to tell them.

He had to talk to Louis first!

But where the hell was Louis?

 

“Where his Louis?”, asked Niall suddenly.

The question was a bit odd because they ate for nearly twenty minutes and they didn’t ask for Louis before. Maybe it was their way to still get something out of Harry without actually asking.

“Wasn’t there when I woke up.”, Harry mumble before he took another bite of his sandwich.

And that was it.

They really stopped pushing him.

 

~~~

When Harry came back to his room, Louis still wasn’t there.

 

And when he called the others a few hours later they hadn’t seen him as well.

 

No one had seen him!

By now, Harry was really worried.

 

~~~

 

Harry spent the day inside their dorm and waited for Louis to return. He also called him about every five minutes but Louis never picked up.

 

But then at about four o’clock in the afternoon, someone knocked at the door.

Maybe Louis forgot his keys?

Harry literally ran to the door and opened it with a wide smile on his face but one look at the person who stood there and all his hopes vanished.

Eleanor looked up at Harry with a slightly worried look on her face but still smiled a little. She wore a long brown skirt with a flower print on it, a white jumper and a jacked matching the brown of her skirt. She looked rather lovely and fancy like she was about to go on a…

A date!

Harry didn’t say anything so Eleanor made a nervous cough before she spoke: “Hi – ehm – Harry. Is Louis there?” She moves her body like she wanted to look behind Harry to see if Louis stood there.

He had to cough as well before speaking because of the lack of speaking he did today. “No, no he isn’t.” Then, he closed the door a bit and moves his body to block her view to the room completely.

She raised her eyebrows at his weird behavior before she spoke again. “Did he say where he went? Did he say anything about me?”

Harry wanted to laugh at her, wanted her to know that Louis never talks about her and just used her for fun; just like Louis told him the night before.

But then he looked at her and realized that she was just a lovely innocent girl who hadn’t got a clue where she got herself into. So he just shook is had.

He wanted this conversation to be over, didn’t want to see the girl Louis snogged only about a day ago but he also didn’t want to be rude, so he didn’t close the door as she looked like she was about to start to cry at any second.

“He didn’t pick me up, you know?” She looked up at him, her eyes already wet. “We wanted to go to the cinema. I wasn’t even sure if he would come, after he just left me at the party yesterday and didn’t respond to any of my texts today. I… did I do something wrong? I thought we were good?”

God, Harry was so the wrong person for her to talk to right now. Or, like, ever.

He wouldn’t say any encouraging words to her, even if he could. But he also couldn’t tell her that he and Louis made out literally the whole night until they fell asleep on each other.

But he should just say that, should tell her that she and Louis never would be together and that she should leave them the fuck alone.

But he didn’t. Probably, because he also wanted Louis to talk to her, because she deserved a prober explanation.

So he gave her shoulder a little squeeze as he said: “I’ll tell him that you were here.” And then he closed the door, because that was the best he could give.

 

He was happy Eleanor hadn’t seen Louis as well.

Obviously not because no one had seen him but because he was just happy that Louis wasn’t with her.

Since Louis had disappeared Harry couldn’t stop thinking that it was because of him and because of what they did. Louis wouldn’t be the first person to freak out when they realize that they are gay, or bi, or whatever. So when Louis disappeared, Harry felt like it was because they both had kissed.

And who could blame him for that thought, the worry that Louis didn’t feel as happy about last night as he did?

But it wasn’t like Louis to just run away without telling anyone.

Still, Harry thought Louis freaked out and went to Eleanor to pretend it was her that he wanted, but now he knew at least that that wasn’t the case.

 

But knowing that this possibility wasn’t true, Harry started to worry even more and began to imagine the worse scenarios about what could have happen to Louis.

 

He called Louis ten times in the next 15 Minutes.

 

~~~

 

Harry was about to call Louis mum when Liam called him.

“Liam, hey. Did you hear anyth-“

“Louis is here.” Liam interrupted him.

Harry was silent for a few seconds because he wasn’t sure if he understood what Liam just had said. “He… what?”

“He is here.”, repeated Liam. “Here with me in my flat.”

Harry still wasn’t able to get his head around what Liam had said. “What? Like, since when? Why didn’t you tell me?” He practically screamed the last sentence.

“Harry, chill out.” Liam tried to act normal and polite. “He showed up about five minutes ago. You know I wouldn’t let you worry longer than necessary.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m sorry.” Harry sighted. “I’m just happy nothing happed to him.”

“Yeah, me, too.”, Liam agreed.

“How is he? Why didn’t he come to his room? Where was he?” Harry had loads of questions he wanted to ask.

Why the hell wasn’t Louis with him? Why did he disappear?

“I don’t know Harry. I don’t know anything actually. I just wanted to let you know so you could stop worrying.”

“Oh, thanks mate.” Harry smiled for the first time since Louis had disappeared. “You know what? I’m coming over to yours. Gonna pick him up and bring him home.”

“Ehm Harry…” Liam suddenly seemed nervous. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Harry frowned as Liams kept on talking: “I’m really sorry.”

“But… why?” Harry snapped but Liam didn’t respond “Liam what the fuck is going on?” Still no respond. “Liam! Let me at least talk to him!”

Finally, Liam sighted but instead of giving in he said: “Harry, go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Liam! No, fuck, no I need to talk to him, I need to see him. What the hell, I don’t untersta-“

But Liam had hung up.

Harry glared at his phone in confusion. He didn’t understand anything.

What the fuck was that?

He didn’t get what just happened so instead of going to bed, he went to Zayn and Niall because he needed some answers and maybe they knew more. Maybe Liam called them, too, but told them more…

 

When he knocked at the door, Zayn opened it immediately and watched with wide eyes as Harry stormed in the room.

“Harry? Did something happen?”

Harry looked around, before he sat down and Nialls bed, who – as Harry could hear – was in the shower. “So you don’t know?” Harry looked at Zayn.

“Know what?” Zayn looked right back.

“Louis is at Liams. Don’t know why. Don’t know where he was. All I know is that Liam don’t want me to see or speak to him.”

“But… Why would he?”

“Another thing I don’t know.” Harry sighted. “He called me, told me Louis was with him and then acted more than strange. And know I’m fucking mad at him. And at Louis. Fuck!” He looked around before he asked: “Can I have a beer?”

Zayn pulled a bottle out of the little fridge and threw it to Harry before he sat down on his own bed, facing Harry with a confused look. “That’s weird.”

Harry took a sip before he answered: “Don’t tell me! This whole day is weird.”

“But at least Louis is back.” Zayn tired to smile at Harry.

“Back? He still didn’t come home and after he had disappeared for a whole day he didn’t call his best mate but let another mate call him to tell him he don’t want to see and speak to him?”

“I get that you’re mad.” Zayn looked at him with a comforting smile. “And I don’t pretend like I understand why Louis disappeared and why he went to Liam now that he’s back, but…” He paused as if he wasn’t sure if he should continue his little speech but then: “But you and Louis had a row, remember? You didn’t talk to each other for like a week. So, maybe – and don’t get me wrong – but maybe he isn’t comfortable to talk to you about whatever reason it is that made him disappear.”

Harry glared at Zayn with wide eyes and took another sip of his beer. “No! No we are best mates. He could talk to me about everything and he knows that. “

At that, Zayn stood up from his bed and walked forward to sit at Nialls before he put a comforting arm around Harrys shoulders. “I know, Harry. But what if the reason behind all this includes you?”

Harry looked up and had to swallow. Zayn raised his eyebrows as if to say: ‘It’s the right moment to talk to me!’

Harry swallowed again before he drank the last bit of his beer. “Can I have another one?”

Zayn rolled his eyes but nodded. Harry could feel his eyes on him as he walked to the fridge but he didn’t looked back. Instead of taking another beer, Harry chose an Irish whiskey from Niall and after pouring some of it in a glass; he finally turned around to look at Zayn who was still watching him.

“We made up, you know.” Harry took a big sip from the whiskey. “Last night, he and I made up. So why should he avoid me when we were good?”

Zayn looked blankly at Harry before he spoke: “I don’t know, Harry. How am I supposed to know if you don’t want to talk to me about the real issue?”

“Why me? We are talking about Louis right now!” Harry couldn’t stop himself from raising his voice.

“Harry, you know what I’m talking about.” Zayn was able to stay calm as he spoke. “I know I said I would stop trying to talk to you about i but don’t you see the mess you’re getting yourself into?”

Harry filled his glass with some more whiskey and drank it in one go before he glared at Zayn. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”

He stormed out of the room just like had stormed in it and ran into Niall who just came out of the bath but he didn’t bother to stop.

 

Why was he always so mad when Zayn tried to talk to him? He had accepted that he really, really liked Louis. Maybe even more.

So why couldn’t he talk to Zayn about it. Especially, since he was sure that Zayn knew most of it already. It could be so easy. And he might feel so much better afterwards.

But something stopped him. Was it because he wasn’t sure where Louis and he stood? Was it, because he didn’t want to come out if it should be just him? Did he not want to be the only one?

Or maybe there was no need to come out if it wasn’t for Louis because he was just gay for Louis.

After all, he always fancied girls!

 

But to figure this all out, he had to talk to Louis, who obviously avoided him for whatever reason!

Life could be a little shit!

 

As he walked down the corridor back to his room, he realized how dizzy he felt. Probably because he hadn’t ate much the whole day because of his worry so the alcohol went straight to his head.

Perfect! Shit day and a hangover at the next one!

He was ready to go straight to bed as soon as he was back in his room, but what he wasn’t ready for, was for Louis to sit on his bed in their dark room.

Harry stopped in the doorway, confused about this whole situation.

But Louis stood up before he even could say anything so he just closed the door and watched as Louis walks toward him.

Harrys heartbeat quickened up and he felt like running away but then Louis stopped a few feet away from him. Still, he couldn’t breathe as he watched Louis.

“Harry.”, Louis whispered and reached his hand out.

Harry moved away; wasn’t sure if he wanted to be touched by Louis because he felt so confused. “I thought you are at Liams?”

“I was, yes. But I wanted to see you.” At this long sentence Harry could smell the alcohol in Louis breath. And as Louis moved again he also realized his unsteady movements.

“Where have you been all day? I worried about you.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis reached out again and this time Harry didn’t move away. He couldn’t, he was too happy to see Louis.

But he needed to understand Louis, so he asked: “Was it because of me? Did you run away because of what happened last night?”

Louis shook his head.

“Do you regret it?”

Louis shook his head again.

“Then why did you leave?” Harry felt like he was about to start crying.

Louis made the last few steps to close the gap between them and wiped a few tears away from Harrys cheek. “Liam thought I could talk shit to you. You know, drunken shit. I probably would have because I drank a lot today. So it was for the best to came down first.”

Harry reached out and put a hand on Louis waist. “Why did you drink?”, he whispered.

“I was mad at me, mad because I felt so… so weird, I don’t know. I had to leave for a bit to clear my head.”

Harry could smell the alcohol again but he didn’t care, maybe because he was slightly drunk as well or maybe because he was just happy to have Louis back. Happy, that he wasn’t mad at him.

He leaned in a bit so their foreheads were touching. “And now you feel better?”

Louis put both his hands at Harrys hips and moved him so he could put a leg between Harrys. “I always feel better when you’re around.” He whispered and gave Harry an Eskimo kiss. “Doesn’t mean I cleared my head but at least I know I want you.” And then was he kissing him.

It wasn’t a slow and testing kiss like the first one the night before but a kiss which deepened quickly and was full of tongue and teeth.

Harry moaned as Louis sucked at his bottom lip and would feel a bit embarrassed about the sounds he made if Louis wouldn’t have moaned even louder when Harrys nibbled at his earlobe and neck.

Harry felt hot and cold at the same time, couldn’t decide if he wanted to kiss him some more or if he wanted to explore his whole body with his tongue and lips.

The only thing he was sure of was that Louis was the hottest and yet the sweetest thing he had ever seen and taste.

Louis was grinding their crotches together, moved the leg he had put between Harrys up and down and pressed down against Harrys hip. One of Louis hands curled around the front of Harrys jumper so he could pull him down and kiss him once more, while the other hand moved under his jumper and up his spine. Louis was toughing his skin slightly and moved his fingers up and down. When Louis grinded against him once more Harry had to bite down at Louis lips before he leaned his head back against the door.

His jeans tightened more with every move from Louis delicate hips and he keened trough his teeth as he felt Louis burgle move against his own.

Everything became too much, he needed more friction and he needed to get out of his clothes because he felt so hot.

Louis seemed to think the same, because he suddenly pulled at Harrys jumper and took a step back to take it off before taking his own jumper off as well.

The movements had been quick and Harry had no time to complain about the lost of contact before Louis hands moved up and down his chest and belly once more and his lips chased Harrys.

Harrys hands lay at Louis hips, before he moved them down Louis spine until he could cup the lovely ass he had admired the last few weeks.

This time Louis was the one who keened against his lips as Harry moved his hands up and put two fingers under the waistband of Louis jeans and briefs. Louis did the same before he cupped him trough his trouser.

And that was when Harry couldn’t resist anymore. He needed Louis, needed to make him feel good and needed to feel good himself, so he walked forwards and pushed Louis with him until the back of Louis legs touched the edge of his bed. Harry unbuttoned Louis jeans with a quick move of his fingers before he pushed him down at the mattresses. It was just like yesterday but this time it was Louis who looked up at Harry; is eyes full of lust and want.

Harry moved his hands to Louis feet and pulled down his trouser before he admired the look of Louis lying in front of him, only wearing a tight brief which did little to nothing to hide the hard outlined of his cock.

Harry pulled out of his jeans just as quick and then moved forward so he was hovering above Louis. He leaned down and gave him a deep and hard kiss and then moved his crotch against Louis. They both moaned at the friction and the fact that their cocks slighted against each other; separated just by a bit material of their tight briefs.

They moved and kissed and moaned and Harry could feel the heat coiling in his belly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to last that much longer but didn’t stop chasing Louis hip with his own and grinding down against him.

He bit down at Louis chest to stifle his moans as he came into his briefs but kept grinding against Louis until he came a few moments later as well; titling his head back against the mattresses and letting out a deep long groan.

They both kept on grinding loosely against each other until they both came down from their highs. Harry gave Louis a last quick kiss before he fell down on the mattresses next to him.

They both stayed silent for a while, Louis was watching the ceiling while Harry moved a hand up and down Louis chest and played with the hear that went down Louis belly and disappeared in his briefs.

They should probably clean themselves up or at least switch their briefs but they both felt too knackered to make such big movements.

Harry was about to fell asleep as Louis turned around to look at him. Harry can’t deny that he was nervous at Louis reaction but he was just smiling at him as he said: “That was good, wasn’t it.”

Harry literary beamed at him and nodded which leaded Louis to laugh out loud.

“Never thought we would go that far but it felt good.”, said Louis as he scooped even closer to Harry and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Harry snuggled closer, too, moved his head to the space between Louis shoulder and neck and smiled.

But then the worry came back in his mind and he couldn’t stop himself from asking: “We should talk about it, shouldn’t we?”

“Tomorrow, Haz.” Louis bended his head to give Harry a peck on his head. “I’m too tired and too drunk to talk.

“But you’ll be there tomorrow?” Harry couldn’t contain the pouting in his voice.

Louis yawned before he answered: “Promise!”

At that, Harry gave Louis neck a quick pack before lying down again and falling asleep in Louis arms.

 

~~~

 

And when Harry woke up the next morning, Louis really was still there; still curled around him!

 

It’s early Monday morning, normally a time where everyone would be in the worst of a bad mood but Harry felt so happy that he decided to stand up and make him and Louis breakfast.

He decided that he wanted some fresh rolls so he headed down to the baker near the campus, not leaving a note because he didn’t think Louis would wake up this early.

 

On his way back to his dorm, he bumped into Liam and Danielle; both on their way to their early classes.

When Liam recognized Harry his cheeks turned a bit darker. “Oh, hi Harry.” He gave Harry a nervous look before he looked down at his feet.

“Liam… hi.” Harry wasn’t sure what else to say.

Even thought Louis and him could clear things between them – or at least find a pretty good start to get things back on track and maybe even turn them into something so much better – he wasn’t sure if he could forgive Liam just like that. It wasn’t like Liam had done anything to him but still; Harry couldn’t contain the feeling of betrayal when he looked at him.

“Louis came home yesterday.” Harry wasn’t sure what he was trying to say with that.

“Yeah, I know. He really wanted to see you; talk to you.”

Harry raised his eyebrows at Liam. “I wanted that, too, but you didn’t let me.”

“Harry… you don’t know how he was when he turned up at our doorstep.”, Danielle chimed in.

“Yes. He was so drunk and talked such nonsense. I didn’t want him to say something to you that he would regret.”

“So he talked shit about me?” Harry looked between Liam and Danielle.

Danielle nodded slightly but Liam said: “No, not really… well kind of. I don’t know, I couldn’t really make sense out of what he had said.”

“What the he say?” Harry glared at him.

Liam looked down at his feet before he answered: “About you confusing him. I don’t know, stuff you did that he didn’t want. As I said, I didn’t get what he meant with that… probably because of your row?”

“Stuff I did that he didn’t want?”, repeated Harry more to himself then to the other two.

Did Louis mean the kissing? But he was the one who kissed him first! He even said the night before that he didn’t regret it… what the fuck?

“Harry, you know I’m sorry, don’t you?” Liam looked up at him. “I just wanted him to sleep out his drunkenness.”

Harry nodded. He knew Liam always wanted the best for everyone, thought he sometimes failed big time. “Yes, I know. You wanted to prevent a stupid mistake.”

 

Was that what just happened last night? A stupid mistake?

No! Kissing could have been a mistake but getting each other off? That must have meant something. Louis had said it himself!

 

Danielle gave Harrys shoulder a comforting squeeze. “We are happy that you two stopped fighting. Good to see you two having breakfast together.” She pointed at his beg.

Harry nodded and smiled; he even gave Liam a quick smile as well so he could relax a bit and stopped feeling guilty.

“Yeah, good to have my best mate back.” A little private smile formed in his face at the thought of what they did last night.

This time his life would take a good turn, he just knew it, because Louis was still there this morning, still pressed against is side and he knew that he wanted that every day.

He hoped they both could talk during breakfast, clear things up and then there would be another definition for LouisAndHarry!

But then…

 

“And Louis is lucky, too, isn’t he? Back with his best friend and with a lovely girlfriend at his side.” Danielle smiled at him but Harry only locked blankly back at her.

“Girlfriend?”, he coughed out. “Since when?”

“Oh.” Danielle looked confused. “Didn’t he tell you?”

Harry shook his head; too shocked to talk.

“Later last evening, before he went back to your dorm but when he felt a bit better he called Eleanor. Apparently they both had a date or something but he forgot it so he called her to say sorry. They met up and after that, when he went back to yours Eleanor called me and said that they are now officially dating.”

Harry nearly dropped his bag. No, that couldn’t be! That couldn’t be true.

Danielle gave him a worried look and was about to reach out her hand but Harry couldn’t need comfort right now. He needed to talk to Louis.

He said a quick goodbye before he turned on his heels and made his way back to their dorm.

 

Was it true? Or did Eleanor or Danielle understand the situating wrong? Maybe Louis didn’t meant it like that and it was all just a big misunderstanding!

Or he said it to her because he was confused but after he had talked to Harry, is feelings had become clear.

Louis wanted Harry! That was what he had said. He couldn’t want Eleanor, too. Danielle must be wrong! Harry could feel that Louis felt it, too.

 

He was about to turn around the corner to the corridor of their dorm as he heard voices. He stopped as he recognized one of the voices as Eleanors.

“- just wanted to surprise you.”

“Oh, that’s so nice.” Louis! 100%, he could recognize his voice everywhere. “But I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

“Our date this afternoon still stands, doesn’t it?” Eleanor sounds hopeful.

 

Harry had to hold his breath. This was it. The moment he would chose him over Eleanor. Or at least that was what Harry hoped for.

 

But then: “Sure baby, I promised I won’t forget you this time.

 

What?

What was Louis playing? Did he want the best of both worlds or something?

Never in a million years!

 

“Good, I’ll see you then. I’m looking forward to our first official date as a couple.”

And then Harry could hear kissing noises!

And that was enough. He turned around the corner to see what he had expected: Louis and Eleanor kissing.

He stood frozen in his spot at the end of the corridor, watching the boy he just kind of shagged last night kissing someone else and making a fool out of him.

Harry felt like he wasn’t in his body, like this wasn’t his life.

But when Louis and Eleanor separated, Louis spotted him! His eyes went wide, his face went pale and he looked shocked and guilty.

Harry still couldn’t move but this time he dropped the bag with the stupid breakfast he had planned.

 

And then he turned around and ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first time writing a bit of smut, so... sorry ? haha  
> And sorry that I don't give Louis and Harry their happy end just like that, but there is still so much more to come :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that the chapter is late, short and kind of shitty... the next one will be better I swear :)  
> 

Harry couldn’t believe what just had happened!

And he was so confused that all he could do was walk; walk away from Louis; walk as far away and as fast as he could.

 

He only snapped out of his haze when he found himself at a bridge.

He took a few deep breaths while looking down at the Thames which flowed right under him. He stood like that for a while, just breathing and trying to stop thinking. He didn’t even realize as he started to cry.

 

How could Louis do that to him? They shared a very intimate moment only a few hours ago! And Harry thought it had meant something. But instead of having a lovely breakfast he had to watch Louis kissing none other than Eleanor! Not like it would had been better if he had kissed someone else, but Eleanor was the worst.

And what did Louise hope he could save with one fucking guilty look?! A quick sorry and Harry would forget everything?

 

And suddenly, Harry wasn’t sad anymore but angry. He gripped the railing of the bridge and felt like screaming. And punching. He was so mad, he needed to get the anger out!

And so he screamed, loud and long, because he wasn’t the kind of guy who would actually punch someone.

He was mad at Louis for kissing Eleanor. He was mad at Louis for kissing him. He was mad at Louis for coming back to him after he came together with Eleanor. He was mad at Danielle and Liam for being right. He was mad at himself for falling for Louis!

He was mad in general. And so he screamed and cried and punched the railing and screamed some more because it hurt.

Everything hurt!

 

He couldn’t understand how he could feel so hurt about something that felt so good and so right last night.

 

~~~

Harry missed all his morning classes – not like he cared – because he strolled through London.

He was nervous about going back to the campus; nervous about what Louis would they to him, about them and about Eleanor.

And so he kept looking for reasons not to go back.

 

~~~

It was late afternoon when he returned to the campus but he went straight to his classes because he still wasn’t ready to face Louis.

He still couldn’t get his head around what Louis did to him. And to Eleanor. He also felt kind of sorry for her. Like, Louis cheated on her only an hour after they came together.

It was like he was facing a Louis he never knew before. And he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the fact that Louis had a side, so shitty and fake.

Maybe it was for Harrys own good that he found out about it before getting really attached.

But what would it mean for their friendship?

 

~~~

He ran in Zayn on his way back to his dorm. And he was happy because it was another reason not to go back.

 

“Hey Harry. Good to see you.” Zayn gave him a quick hug and looked at him with concerned eyes. “Classes finished?”

Harry took a step back and nodded. “Yeah, finally! I hate Mondays. Always such a long day.” Zayn didn’t need to know that he only went to his last class; especially not after their conversation the evening before.

Before everything went straight to heaven and then back to the hell.

Harry tired to give Zayn a weak smile but he could feel that he failed.

Zayn reached his hand out to give his shoulder a comforting squeeze before he pulled him in for another long hug.

“Could you and Louis talk yesterday?”, whispered he in his ear, still pressing him tight against his chest.

Harry just nodded but wasn’t able to talk about it, so he hold Zayn just as tight, nestling his head against Zayns neck.

They hold each other for a while, didn’t care that they stand in the middle of the corridor. And Zayn seemed to sense that that was what Harry needed right now without wanting to be asked out about the reason.

After a few more minutes, Zayn took a step back but still hold Harry at his wrist. “What do you think about grabbing some food? “ He smiled at Harry.

And yes, yes please, Harry hadn’t eat much the whole day and maybe that was just was he needed at the moment.

 

~~~

 

Italian food was good!

Harry smiled and laughed for the first time of the day. Well, at least for the first time since he saw Louis with Eleanor.

 

They were on their back home as Harry stopped Zayn; grapping his hand to get him to look at him.

“Zayn, I… I just wanted to thank you.” He smiles at him and squeezed his hand to show him even more how much he meant it. “I mean, like I really owe you. And I really want you to know that I know that you’re always there. And that you would be there if I ever decide that I want to talk about it. And… and I will. I will talk to you about it when I’m ready. You deserve it.”

Zayn squeezed back as he answered: “You don’t owe me anything, yeah? I’m your friend; of course I’m there fire you. And I’ll be there when you’re ready.”

They hold each other, they smile at each other and then, then they laughed out loud. Because this moment was corny and very embarrassing if someone would have overheard them.

 

Thanks got, they found them after their embarrassing conversation!

“What are you laughing about?” Niall was walking towards them, Liam and – fuck – Louis right behind him.

Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted to avoid or search Louis gaze bud decided for the latter. He wanted some answers, wanted to know what Louise taught about his actions.

But Louis wasn’t looking at him!

He looked straight at Niall, smiling and laughing, no sign of gilt or regret or anything!

 

Harry didn’t realize that he had fisted his hands.

But who would blame him! What the fuck was Louis thinking? Did he even care what he did? Did to Harry? To them? To their friendship?

Harry was very scared he would lose Louis; lose him in more than one way.

At the beginning he thought it was his fault, his and his stupid little crush, but Louis was just as bad.

He told him, that Harry was the one he wanted. That he didn’t regret anything.  
He even said that he didn’t want Eleanor but still found his lips on hers? Yeah, sure.

For god’s sake, they even get off grinding their crotches at each other!

Harry was really mad!

 

And that’s why he turned around his shoulder and left the other four standing. He didn’t care; all he wanted at that moment was to be left alone.

 

No luck with that thought!

He hardly had entered his dorm as the door opened again and of course: Louis.

He tried his best to ignore him, just changes is closes without even looking at Louis and was about to go to bed – even thought it was only half past 9, but he felt exhausted never the less – as Louis finally spoke: “What’s up, Haz?”

What’s up?! How could Louis be that stupid!

Harry just shook his head and tried once more to climb in his bed. But then did he feel a hand on his shoulder so he turned around and sat on his bed instead.

He didn’t look at Louis as he spoke again: “I…” He coughed nervously before he continued speaking. “I am with Eleanor.”

At that, Harry looked up at Louis with a look he hoped would say ‘wtf, I already know that, what are you trying to say?’.

But as Louis didn’t say anything more Harry just turned his head away – once again more than disappointed in Louis – and murmured: “Well good luck then.”

“Look Harry, I get then you don’t like here, even thought I don’t know why. I just thought I should be the person to tell yo-“

“Even thought you don’t know why?!”, interrupted Harry him as he stood up to glare angrily down at Louis. “What the hell his up with you? You know exactly that it’s not Eleanor as a person that I don’t like! I just don’t like this whole situation you got us into. You funny little game, like… I don’t recognize you. The Louis I know is loving and caring and…” He cut himself up because he could feel that he was about to cry soon; one thing he didn’t want to do in front of Louis.

“I care!” Louis snapped.

“YOU? Yeah well, maybe you care about yourself but defiantly not at the persons you hurt with your game. You tell me one thing and Eleanor probably the opposite. What do I… I mean, what did the last two nights meant for you?” Harry didn’t even realize that he took a few steps towards Louis so their faces are only a few inches away from each other.

Louis looked at Harry in shock. “The last two nights? I… I don’t know what you mean.”

Harrys mouth fell open in disbelieve.

He was about to scream at Louis but Louis spoke up first. “Harry…” Is voice was softer and Harry could the guilt in his eyes, the same he saw this morning as Louis had realized that Harry had seen him kissing Eleanor. And Harry saw his Louis in this look. He hoped to finally hear the truth from Louis. But then: “Harry, I can’t remember the last two nights. I was too drunk. I have a total black out.”

 

And, well okay. That wasn’t what Harry had hoped to hear. But it was enough to find his solution for this situation.

He knew that Louis had lied. Lied to Harry. Lied to Eleanor. And most important: Lied to himself. Maybe he was scared of his feelings; maybe he didn’t want to feel the way he did. But Harry was sure was he felt. He couldn’t deny the feelings they had shared. Both nights had been special and because of what Louis had said to him at the second night and because of the guilty look after the second night, Harry was more than certain that Louis remembered both nights very well.

 

But Harry had enough. If that was what he wanted to pretend than Harry wouldn’t have the power to convince him otherwise.

He had enough!

 

~~~

 

The next few days, Harry left Louis alone.

He did it, because he needed the distance to be able to save their friendship at some point.

Because even thought he was disappointed, mad and hurt, Louis still was very important to him. So he decided to take some time to be able to control his feelings and then they would be able to go back to their old normal – maybe.

 

The other three could feel the tension as well, but also accepted that they both didn’t want to talk about it.

They tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong, thought everything was like shit.

Shit also, because suddenly Louis spent all his spare time with Eleanor.

 

That wasn’t what Harry had hoped for his second year at university and living with Louis.

 

~~~

 

Lads night the next weekend wasn’t less shit!

But not because ne normal tension, but because Louis tried to kiss Harry again.

But this time, Harry was stronger. He pushed him away, glaring at him in disbelieve. Because Louis picked Eleanor. Chose Eleanor over him and Harry wasn’t the person who let someone cheat on another person.

 

But at least he recognized scheme: Louis only made a move when he was drunk.

 

He begged and tried again but Harry swore at that night that they couldn’t continue like that.

 

Oh, little did he know that stopping the thing with Louis wouldn’t be that easy, no matter if Louis was taken or even if Harry himself had someone…


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I am so sorry that it took me soooo long to update. I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am!
> 
> I'm not even sure if there is someone out there waiting for an update but still, I'm very sorry.
> 
> BUT, I moved to england for a year and then in england I had to move again and it was all shit in the beginning. But now I'm feeling good and the next chapters won't take as long. I promise!
> 
> Plus, me living in england is to improve my english before I go to university, so let's all hope my english in this story will get better, too!!
> 
> xx

The next few weeks had been awful. Louis had ignored Harry the best he could and had spend most of his time with Eleanor. He even hardly slept at their dorm and Harry tried his best not to think about what Louis was doing with Eleanor when he spent his nights at hers.

Thought, it wasn't like they didn't see each other. They were pretty successful in hiding their tension to the rest of their friends – even Zayn stopped being suspicious.  
Harry wasn't sure how they did it, because he felt like he hadn't properly talk to Louis since the Halloween party but they apparently had found a way to act normal when the other were around.

But it didn't matter to Harry what everybody else thought. He knew that nothing was alright and good and how it should be. Every night that he had to spend alone in their dorm, Harry thought about how that wasn't at all how he had imagine living with Louis.  
Okay, how could he, half a year ago, he would have never thought to ever kiss Louis.  
How did he even got in this trouble?  
It was just fun at the beginning and only a few weeks later he found himself at a point where he can't stop thinking about Louis and his lips and his whole body.

What did he do to deserve this twist in his life? Everything was good, perfect actually!

~~~

“And you could present this part.” Cara was looking at some sheets of paper in front of her, highlighting parts that she thought could be important.  
When she didn't got a respond from Harry, she looked up and glared at him, realizing soon, that he didn't paid attention to the work on their project at all.  
“Harry?!”, she called out again but still no reaction at all.

Harry was just staring at a spot on the wall, deep in thought but they apparently weren't about the themes she was talking about for the last ten minutes.

She shoved his elbow with a bit more force than probably necessary so that Harry lost his balance but was finally looking back at her.

“Harry, what the hell is up with you the last few days. Or weeks even, you are so out of the world sometimes.”

Harry just shrugged his shoulders before staring back at the spot on the wall. He was tired, to tired to talk to anyone.

But Cara didn't let him get away with his attitude. “Hey you little fucker.” She gave him another shove. “Don't thing I'm doing this fucking project all on my own. We are a team! A team, which means we are supposed to do this tougher. So get your shit together and stop being so moody.”

Harry raised a eyebrow at her, because he was a bit surprised how a girl like her could even know some of the words she just used but other than that there was no reaction.  
He could see out of the corner of his eyes how Cara lost her temper from every second he didn't acknowledged her. Could imagine how she would scream at him in one minute, how she would hit her book against his head in five minutes, how she would spill her hot coffee on his lap in 10 minutes or how she would just get up and leave in 30 seconds.

But it wasn't like he cared, because just seconds after he returned to glare at the wall, he heard the bell of the door to the cafe they were sitting in ringing. Normal he wouldn't acknowledged that either but than he heard a familiar laugh. A laugh he could recognize everywhere and under thousands of different laughs.

And yes, as he turned around to look at the door there stood no other than Louis. Louis and Eleanor, excuse me. They both laughed and smiled at each other as the walked forward to the counter to order their drinks.  
They stood with their becks to Harry so that he had a good few of how Louis had one of his arms around her delicate waist and how she had put one of her hands in his back pocket of his black trousers.

Wow, grab his ass, lady!

And if that wasn't good enough, ridiculous enough, Harry had to realize that Louis was ordering a coffee. A coffee! Louis hated all kind of coffees, no mater how much sugar, milk or sirup he could put in them, he hated every type. “Because you can always taste the disgusting taste of coffee.”, Louis had said once. “I prefer tea over every type.”

But there he was, drinking coffee with is lovely new girlfriend!

Ridiculous!

Louis can't tell him that he is happy living his new and so, so wrong live!

“Honestly, Harry, what the hell is up with you!” Cara moved her hand over Harrys which was griping his cup very strong. He hadn't even realized how his whole body had tensed up.  
With Caras touch, he tried to relax a bit but he couldn't turn his gaze away from Louis.

Cara seemed to follow his gaze because then she said: “Oh, there is Louis and... who is she? His girlfriend?”

Harrys whole body tensed up again. “Yes.”, he pressed out.

“Oh, cool, you wanna say hello?”, she asked, her voice light like she didn't realized the tensed air around them r she just ignored it like she did all day.

She was about to wave her hand and maybe even shout over to them but Harry could stop her, pressing his big hand over her mouth. “No! Stop it!”

She looked ad him with wide and confused eyes and Harry lowered his hand as he found something like pity in her eyes.

“What?!”, he snapped at her.

She glanced between him and Louis and Eleanor and the pity in here eyes transformed into something like understanding.

“What?!”, Harry snapped again, totally annoyed with the whole situation.

Cara gave him an sympathetic look and tried to reach for his hand but that annoyed Harry even more. He gathered all his school books together and was out of the cafe shop with only on last glance back to Louis and Eleanor who hat sat down on a table in a private corner; laughing and smiling and flirting with each other.

~~~

Harry was alone in his dorm room. Nothing new since the last few weeks. Nothing that should bother him that much but he can't help it. He doesn't even know when was the last time Louis was in here.  
He is over at Eleanors so much, sleeps there every night and when he comes over he is never alone (always either with her or one of the boys).

It is never just LouisAndHarry anymore!

And Harry really missed it. Them! Not just because of the weird thing that he felt building up between the two before Eleanor came to crash it all down. No! He missed Louis as his best friend. Just someone he can talk to, laugh with and enjoy the company.

Sometimes he thought that there is nothing left between them which made him sad and than angry.

That – his life – wasn't fair! That wasn't at all how he had hoped his second year at university would turn out to be.  
He wished he could turn back in time to at least have is friend back!

Ha soft knock on the door startled Harry out of his thoughts.

As usual Harry got his hopes up for a few seconds. But only a few. Because it was never Louis... Why would he? He wouldn't even have to knock, he had his own key.

After his realization that it can't be Louis, he thought about not getting up from his bed. He wasn't in the mood for anyone. He just wanted to be left alone and swim in his own misery that he had to call is life.

But then there was another soft knock and and even softer: ”Harry?”

He got up of the bed unsure if he was ready to face here.

“Harry, come one. Open the door. I know you are in there.”, said Cara, voice just as soft as her knocks.

Finally, Harry opened the door and gave Cara a small smile. “Sorry about earlier. I didn't want to just leave you like that, I'm sorry. Do you want to continue now? I know we have to finish it soon.”  
He took a step back to open the door a bit wider and to make place for her to get into the room.

She gave his shoulder a little squeeze in greeting before she got into the room and sat down on the table near the kitchen unit.

Harry went to is bed, to the beg with all his school books and was about to get them, when Cara stopped him. “No Harry. Come here. I'm not here for the school stuff. I... I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Harry turned to look at her and suddenly got very nervous.

“What's there to talk a bout?”, he asked in tried to sound causal.

Cara raised her eyebrow and looked a bit annoyed for a second until she tried her best to turn her facial expression back to her way of looking friendly and understanding.

Harry sat down opposite her on the table and waited for her to say what ever she thought that she knew.

“I can see that you are in a very bad mood the last few weeks.”

Harry raised his eyebrows but she shushed him and continued: “I know, you said you are fine and everything is normal, but today you didn't even want to say hello to Louis. And then I realized that you and Louis acted different around each other ever since you got so moody. So...” She coughed nervously and Harry winged his handy nervously as well.

What was she about to say? Was he too obvious?

“You... Are you...? I mean, you do have a crush on... on Eleanor, don't you?”

Harry could feel his mouth going slack in shock.

What the...?

He couldn't help getting mad, because Eleanor? No! Never!

Thought, he couldn't contain his shock so which lead to lot of nonsense coming out of his mouth: “Wha- Me being in lov- How-? I don't even...”

Apparently his stuttering leaded to Cara believing that she had figured it out. “Look Harry, it's alright. I mean okay, it's shit crushing on your best mates girlfriend, even worse when he knows it, but you can get over it. I'm sure!”

She took his hands and looked him deep in the eye. “You are a good looking lad, you know that and there a plenty more girls out there that would love to be your girlfriend. Not me, obviously. We tried that! But lot's of other girls, I promise.”

Harry didn't know why. Maybe because he was still in shock or just because he got tired of pretending but he couldn't stop the words. “I don't want any girl...”

Caras expression changed to confused and slightly shocked. “What?!”

Harry had to look down while saying the next few words. “I think all I want is Louis.”

“Wow.”, was all Cara said for the next few minutes. They stared at each other in silent, the only sound their breathings and Harrys way to fast heartbeat.

It was the first time he said it out loud. And maybe even the first time he really let himself think that it was true.

“So...? So you are...?” Cara seemed like she couldn't get her head around Harrys confession.

“Gay?” Finally he looked up at her, a new found confidence in his voice. “Yeah... yes, I think so.”

“Think?”

“Well, I know how I feel about Louis but I can't say I ever felt like that for another boy. And I thought I had crushes on girls. But in the end, compared to Louis, it all was nothing!”

“Wow.”, was again the only thing spoken between them for minute.

~~~

Even thought Harry was very nervous to confess is feelings about Louis to Cara; in the end he was very happy about it.  
Finally there was someone who just knew!  
Someone who he could talk about it and with whom he could be just himself.

Which was the reason why he found himself more often with Cara around than the rest of his friends.

He thought about telling them, too. Especially because he felt so good about Cara knowing but in the end he just couldn't. It was too much. He was too scared.

Plus, he knew that if Niall, Zayn and Liam knew about it, they would want to know the whole story and Louis may find out about it as well and that was something Harry definitely wasn't ready for yet.

So he didn't talk to anyone but Cara and kept on hanging out with her while wondering how long his friends would accept the situation between them.

~~~

“Guys, I have to say I hate this.” It was Niall who decided one afternoon at the beginning of December that he finally wanted to talk about it. About them!

It was one of the lately very rare moments where all five of them sat together in the library to study for there exam. They even hat lunch together.

The other four stared at Niall like the had no clue what he was on about thought they all knew very well what he meant.

“Like, I get it. You have girlfriends and everything now but you shouldn't forget your friends.” He glared at Liam, then Louis and finally at Harry.

“What? Why are you looking at me? I don't have a girlfriend!”

Harry could feel Louis watching him and tried his best to look casual.

Niall just rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. You spending so much time with Cara, so, what ever is happening between you two, don't forget us.”

It was Zayns turn do nod. “Yes, please. I can't cope with Niall all on my own.”

Niall gave Zanys shoulder a shove before continuing: “I thing you are very lucky to be able to spend so much time with me! But okay, I agree with you and I say we should bring beg the Friday lads night.”

Louis raised his eyebrows in confusion. “The what?”

“Yeah Niall, what the hell. We never had something like that?”, agreed Liam.

“Well, we should have.” Niall laughed out loud. “Because it is a very good idea. And I miss you ugly faces.” He was still smiling but one could see how serious he suddenly was about it.

And yes, everyone had to agree that they hardly saw each other all together in the last few weeks so how could they say no?

~~~

It was the same day, right after they all had left the library.

First Harry didn't realized it because after Liam left to go to his flat, Niall and Zayn where still with them. Just when they entered the flour to their dorm room did Harry realize that Louis was still with them and didn't went back to Eleanor.

Harry thought Louis might haven't realized it himself and would leave as soon as Niall and Zayn disappear in their room but when Harry kept on walking towards the door he could hear Louis walking right behind him.

He suddenly felt very nervous. Why didn't Louis leave? Why was he still with him?

And then they both where alone in their dorm for the first time in ages.

Harry wasn't sure how he was supposed to react; if he should talk to Louis but he wasn't even sure what they could talk about because so much had changed between them.

But then Louis was the one who spoke first: “Wow, haven't slept here in ages?” He gave a nervous laugh.

“Yes, wow.”, was all Harry responded before he turned away to his bed.

The silence between them became very awkward and Harry could here Louis coughing a few times while he probably thought about saying next.

“So, between you and Cara... there is still nothing going on?”

And okay, what?!

And suddenly Harry wasn't nervous anymore but angry. Very, very angry! Why did Louis care? Why was he even here tonight? Did he just came to check if Harry was still single and then went back to his girlfriend?

He gripped his bedsheets very roughly before turning around to glare at Louis.

“Why do you care?!”, he spat out between gritted teeth.

Louis didn't say anything, he just bit his bottom lip nervously.

“Oh come on! Now you don't have t say anything? You didn't care about me the last few weeks... You didn't talk to me at all so that I'm not sure if we are even friends anymore, ever since... you know!”

First, Louis mouth fell open in shock but at the thought of what they did he contorted his face.

“Don't look at me like that! You know what we did! We... yeah, we kind of had sex. And you, you don't even want to talk about it, you prefer to ruin our friendship. Thank you very much!”

“Why am I suddenly the one who ruined our friendship?”

“Pardon?!”, Harry couldn't believe what he just had heard.

“Yeah. You are the one who is looking at my girlfriend like you want to kill her! How, how am suppose to handle my best fiend hating my girlfriend?”

“Oh Louis. Poor little Louis.” Harry could help himself and had to mock Louis. “You know exactly why I look at her like that. And you know exactly that that isn't the most important thing we have to talk about. But you, you just can't or won't or whatever... I don't know. All I know is that I don't recognize you!”

“Funny, because I don't recognize you either!”

And then they glared at each other for several minutes. No one said a word. They just glared and breathed and stood still. Until the tensed air between them changed to something else.

“Why don't you go back to your girlfriend then?” Harry could hear that he sounded breathes without any reason to be.

“Because I don't want to!”, whispered Louis and then he was Harrys personal space. Reaching out for his hair and clothes and skin and anything he could reach.

Harry closed his eyes because he knew what would come next. Louis would kiss him and he would let him, because deep down he knew that this was all he ever wanted this Louis kissed him for the first time.

He could feel Louis breath on his lips, his cheeks, his skin. He could hear his soft little breath. His whole body begged for Louis to final close the gap between them.

Where was all his anger gone? He was so angry at Louis and his little game only a few minutes ago. And now he stood pressed between a wall and Louis body and he could care less about what this situation would make him feel in the morning. He wasn't silly enough to belief that today would change anything between them. It was just another moment of Louis getting weak. Giving in to what ever that was between them.

But Harry was sure that Louis didn't want the same that he want. He didn't thought about Harry all day long. Sure, I missed him, but only as a friend! He didn't want to be with Harry, he just enjoyed what they had when they were together, nothing more.

Harry wasn't sure why he knew that Louis didn't felt like him. Maybe because he knew Louis so well, or because he could just simple feel it. But he was for sure that according to this, according to them, they weren't in it for the same thing! And he wasn't sure if realizing that was a good or a bad thing.

But he didn't care at that moment. All he cared about was Louis and that he was – for the moment – back with him. So for the first time, Harry was the one who leaned in and closed the gap. He was the one begged for entrance into Louis mouth, who pushed Louis on his bad, the one that freed Louis cock out of his pants and god himself and Louis off in the same rhythm.

He only realized later, when they both lay curled up together in one bed, that it was the first time they did something without being drunk.

~~~

As usual, Louis wasn't there the next morning.

It wasn't like Harry had expected it to be any different, but he couldn't help feeling the weird thing in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm kind of in a writing flow right now! I'll continue writing the next chapter right after I've posted this one!!
> 
> I hope you will like it!
> 
> And as always than's for reading, let me know what you think and say hello to me at my tumblr (theirtattoosthough) if you feel like it :)
> 
> xx

Harry decided that it was a good thing to finally realize that Louis didn't want the same as he. It made things easier to handle and made Harry feel lighter in a strange kind of way.  
He was back to being able to act normal around Louis. All the nervousness was gone, he knew what he could expect from Louis and they kind of found their way back to their old friendship; though it had a different twist now and then.

They never talked about it and Harry wasn't even sure how they got there but they became something like friends with benefits.

Obviously, Louis kept on dating Eleanor but at some special nights – when he felt like it – he would sneak over to Harry.

He never stayed, though. He would always go back to Eleanor!

And Harry said to himself that he was alright with that. It was the best he could get, wasn't it..?

~~~

It was a very cold day in December and Harry sat on the sofa, snuggled in a blanket and big jumper while doing some studies for his exams when he heard a knock on the door.

He only wondered for a few moments who would come and want to visit so late because usually there was only one person who would visit him after 11 pm on a weekday.

He hesitated for a second and thought about if he really wanted to open the door and get dragged in the same shit as every time but he opened it in the end anyway because he just couldn't resist.

The best he would get, remember?!

So he opened the door to a wild grinning Louis.

“Hi.”, whispered Louis before coming into the room. “It's fucking freezing outside.”

Harry realized then that Louis had red cheeks from the cold and was slightly shacking.

“Help yourself for a tea.” Harry pointed to the water boiler before adding softer: “You still live here, too, you know?” Though, he wasn't sure if Louis heard the second part.

It was weird and it was something that bothered Harry very much. The fact that Louis acted like he didn't live here anymore. He never stayed a night, he didn't use his key anymore, he never came over when Harry wasn't there. Like he lived in Eleanors dorm now.

But then he reminded himself that that was just how it was now. Louis was with Eleanor and Harry was just the dirty little secret. That was how they settled without really talking about it.

Louis looked from the water boiler back to Harry, a bright grin plastered on his face: “I could think of something else to heat us up.”

Speaking of dirty little secrets!

And then Louis was there; one hand on Harrys cheek and the other on his hip, squeezing lightly.

Harry coughed nervously. “I was actually just in the middle of a learning session. I'm... I'm sorry?”

Louis took a step closer so that their chests where pressed together. “Oh come on, Harry. Aren't you up for a bit of fun?”

“Fun? Yes right.”, muttered Harry and turned his head away.

Louis didn't sense his disappointment or didn't want to. He just went straight to Harrys earlobe and started nibbling on it. “Don't be like that.”, he said, already a bit breathes. And then he moved his lips down over Harrys cheeks until they met the soft skin at Harrys neck.  
He kissed, nibbled and bite down on the sensitive skin until he got he soft moan out of Harrys mouth which he obviously took as an invitation to finally connect their lips.

And that was that. Harry wasn't able to resist any longer and gave in – as usual.

He moved is lips against Louis and parted them the tiniest bit so that their tongues could met. One of Louis hands moved down Harrys torso and disappeared under Harrys big jumper where his delicate fingers grazed over Harrys happy trail, feeling his muscles contract under the cold touch.

They separated only for a few seconds so that Louis could remove Harrys jumper before connecting their lips again but Harry took the short break to look in Louis eyes. The blue was nearly gone, all blown out and black. The want was shown in every feature of Louis face.

And Harry could feel it. The want, the lust, in every move and touch but he could also feel something else. He knew that Louis didn't want him the same way he did – he couldn't do anything else but accept that fact – but in these moments, when it was just them he couldn't help but imagine how it would be when they would be more than that. How it would be when it had more meaning for both of them.  
The kisses weren't just rough and full of lust, sometimes they were soft like Louis wanted to enjoy the little time they had alone the most he could. Like it wasn't just about the sex.  
And every time Harry couldn't stop himself imagine this life until the next day; until he was alone again and Louis was back with her. Then he realized once more, that they weren't in it for the same reason and in the end Harry was always alone.

But when Louis was still with him he didn't cared at all. He thought it was the best to take what Louis was willing to give. It was all that he could hope for!

And just like every time they ended up at Harrys bed, naked and hard as a rock, grinding against each other. Harry kissed, and licked and touched every inch of Louis body. He tried his best to show him how beautiful he thought Louis was. The most beautiful person he ever met. Like that, naked and sensitive but also soft and small and fragile in his cloth, laughing and smiling with crinkles by his eyes, cuddly and funny or cheeky and sassy. He loved all types of Louis even thought he was sure Louis would never love him the way he hoped and bagged and breathed for. 

Louis keened and breathed against Harrys mouth, begging for any kind of relief so Harry moved down on this body, positioning himself between Louis tights. He gave Louis hard on a few storks before he leaned forward and took him in his mouth.  
He sucked lightly, licking down at the underside of Louis cock before taking him back in and hollowing his cheeks. Sucking, licking and hollowing. Harry pressed both his hands against Louis hip to stop him from bucking up into his mouth while taking his cock in, inch by inch until it touched the back of his throat.

“Harry – Haz – I'm... I'm coming soon.”, was all Louis could get out before he spilled into Harrys mouth. Harry tried his best to catch all of Louis come and liked everything off that he missed before collapsing next to Louis on the bed.

Louis breathing was uneven and he took a few moments to get down from is high before turning towards Harry and reaching out for his hands. “Wow, that was so good. You were so, so good Harry.”

He intertwined their fingers for a few seconds and gave Harry a quick peck before moving his hands down Harrys body, griping Harrys still very hard cock and started moving his hand up and down his lengthen. It took him only few stork until Harry was coming all over his hand.

~~~

It was later, much later, after they had cleaned themselves and went back into Harrys bed to cuddle a bit more, that Harry realized that Louis hadn't made a move yet that he was about to leave.

Harry nudged Louis neck with his nose so the older boy turned to look at him. Louis raised his eyebrows in question when Harry didn't say anything.

He was to nervous to ask but he had to. It was weird. In a good way, of course. But still weird.

Harry looked into Louis very blue eyes before turning his gaze away. “Don't... Don't you have to leave soon?”

He looked back to Louis when he didn't get a respond. He was about to ask again but Louis gave him a firm kiss as soon as their eyes met each other. After that, he slung his arms around Harrys body, moved impossible close and murmured against Harrys neck: “It's too cozy and warm next to you.”

~~~

Louis was still there when Harry woke up the next morning!

He should have been happy! He should have been jumping around, snuggleing closer to Louis, kisings him and just enjoying his presents.

But he didn't.

He couldn't!

Because he was in shock.

Not because Louis was laying next to him; with his eyes still closed and a soft smile on his face which made him look like a five year old happy boy.

But because of the warm feeling in his body and the realization that came with it.

Harry wasn't okay with this; with the thing between Louis and him. This weird kind of friends with benefits thing.  
One would think this realization shouldn't have come as such a chock. But it did for Harry. He knew deep down that it never was what he wanted but all the time he really tried his best and thought he was okay with it.  
Only a few weeks ago he had thought that he never would have any kind of relationship with Louis so this thing was better than nothing.

But then he had to realize that it wasn't enough for him....

Why couldn't he be happy with what he got? Like that he could have Louis at least in some kind of way.

But no, he had to wake up next to him and realize that he wanted more. That he wanted all of Louis. That he wanted to wake up next to him every morning, be with him in all the ways possible and the most important thing: he didn't want so share him with anybody!

He lay next to Louis and couldn't even appreciate it because he knew that Louis didn't want him like that and he had to realize that if he couldn't have all of him that he also couldn't want just a tiny little part. He just couldn't because it wasn't enough and he knew that if he would continue like that, that the whole thing would break him.  
Because he was about to fell in love with Louis Tomlinson!

So he made a decision: He wanted to be with Louis for real or not at all!

And this morning it would be Louis who would wake up alone in bed.

~~~

Harry went straight to Zayn and Nialls dorm and knocked furiously at their door. He didn't care about that it was still early in the morning.

It took a few moments but at some point Harry could here someone groan and then bare feeds walking on the floor.

“What the fu- Harry?” Zayn opened the door to let Harry in, his face full of concern. “Harry? What happened, why are you up so early? And why do you look like... yeah, I don't even know, you look like shit?”

“Thanks, mate. But kinda feel like shit as well...” He walked in the room and realized that Niall was still fast asleep so he sat down on Zayns bed.

Zayn sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. “What happened?”

Harry looked at Niall to check if he was still asleep. He knew he could trust him just as much as Zayn but he wasn't unhappy about him still sleeping. It was hard enough to talk to just one of his best friends.

“I... ehm.” He coughed nervously. “Do... Do you remember when you said that I could always come to you so speak about... well, about everything whenever I'm ready?” Harry wasn't able to look Zayn into the eyes but he felt a bit better when he gave him a supporting squeeze.

“Yeah, sure! I'm always there if you want to talk. Just like I promised.”

At that, Harry looked up and gave him a shy smile.

“Yeah well, think I'm ready now. I... Do I really have to say it out loud? We both know you already know why I'm here...”

Zayn sighed before giving Harry a quick hug. “I'm happy for you to finally be able to admit it but I think it would help you to say it out loud.”

“I think I'm...” Harry took a deep breath before he continued. “You know what..? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here. It's early and I'm just stupid and, like, I should just go back to bed. Sorry that I woke yo-”

“Harry! Stop that! Come on, just say it.”

“ImightbeinlovewithLouis.” Harry said it as fast as he could, but Zayn understood him and smiley proudly at him.

“See? Wasn't to bad, was it?”

“I... I don't know, it feels weird.”

“Don't say that, Haz. There is nothing bad about that. You can't change how you feel.”

“No, not that. I know I can't. I mean, just saying it out loud is weird, I suppose...” Still, Harry couldn't stop feeling relieved about his friends positive reaction.

“Okay... so... What is you plan for now? I mean, you kind of are in a shit situation with him being involved with Eleanor.”

“Well, there is probably a bit more that I have to tell you!”

“Okay wait. Let me... just let me say something to you.” Zayn glanced at Niall to see if he was still sleeping like a big baby (he even had his thumb in is mouth) before he continued: “The first thing you should figure out for yourself now is, if it's just Louis or if you are, you know... gay or bisexual or whatever other sexualities you can have. And then, I mean, we will find someone for you that will be even better then Louis, I now we can do that! And you will get your happy love story, I promise! But Louis, well, you know that can't happen...”

And because he probably felt very sorry for Harry now Zayn gave him a strong hug as if to say 'I'm so sorry, mate' but...

“Well, as I said, there is a bit more I have to tell you!”

Zayn raised his eyebrows in expectation, so Harry continued and didn't stop talking for the next 20 minutes.  
He told Zayn everything about him and Louis. How it started, about their fights and how they ended up in their weird friends with benefits thing.

“And well, this morning I realized that I can't continue like that. It's not enough and not at all what I want...”, finished Harry his little not so really love story.

Zayn kept silent and just stared at Harry until: “Well, okay... Not at all what I've expected... So... you and Louis? You.. well, wow okay, give me a few minutes.”

And so they both starred at each other in silence with Niall sleeping only a few meters away.

But in the end the only tip that Zayn could give to Harry was to talk to Louis about it. About how he felt, what he wanted and that he can't continue like that.

And that it would be up to Louis how he decided. In the end it was Louis decision if he wanted to be with Eleanor or with Harry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go again! I hope you like the new chapter! And thanks for your comments, they make me really happy :)
> 
> As always: Let me know what you think!

Talking to Louis was easier said then done!!

Harry thought he was imagining it but he realized soon that Louis was back to playing hide and seek.  
He defiantly avoided Harry again since he stayed the night!

At frst Harry felt sorry for him. He thought it was wrong that he disappear that morning without saying something. He was worried that he ruined everything by letting Louis wake up alone but than he had to realize that it would be pathetic if Louis was made about that because he left Harry alone every other night.

Still, Harry was annoyed that they where back to being how they were a few weeks ago. And of course, that he couldn't talk to Louis like he had planned.

Louis kept distend because he was probably confused about why he stayed the night with Harry. He probably thought of it as a very big mistake that was never supposed to happen. He might even be mad at Harry because of the things he did to and for him and Harry couldn't even start to image how it would be like when Louis knew for sure how Harry felt.

But still, Harry had made a decision, he knew what he had to do and he was sure about it because it couldn't stay like that.

Louis and Harry had to talk about it, no matter what!

No matter how hard Louis would try to avoid him, how bad he might feel and what it would do to their friendship.

~~~

They didn't meet each other during the week. Louis totally stopped coming over at night and spent all his time with Eleanor. Even the other boys hardly saw him.

And suddenly all Harrys exam were over, winter break had begun and he found himself in front of his closed to look for some cloth for Louis birthday party.

He was really nervous about the party because he knew for sure that he would see Louis tonight. It made him nervous and excided at the same time becausehe hoped the birthday would give him the chance to finally talk to Louis.

~~~

09:37 pm.

One and a half hour into the party and a bit more than two hours until midnight; until Louis birthday.

For the party Louis had rented the big basements of the University and it looked like he had invited every person that he just so much as passed in the hallway since he was at the university.  
The room was crowded with people dancing, drinking and enjoying themselves.

Harry stood next to Zayn, Niall and Liam near the door, scanning the crowed for Louis. It wasn't like he hadn't met him tonight at all. He said hello when he first spotted them and came by a few times after that but he was always on the move, trying to be a good host and talk and laugh with as much guests as he could.

There was never a chance to talk to him in private because no matter how desperate Harry was to talk with Louis, he didn't want to drag him away from his own party.

Harry tried his best to enjoy the evening. He really wanted to have a good time but he felt like he couldn't really be happy until he finally could talk.

Zayn, who stood next to him, gave him a supporting look and gave his shoulder a squeeze while Niall pushed another drink into his hand.  
Niall still didn't knew about the situation between Louis and Harry, as well as Liam, but Harry welcomed the drink nevertheless.

~~~

At 11:49 there still had not been a time when Harry had the chance to talk to Louis.

Harry felt really bad because it would be midnight soon and then there would be even more people around Louis to wish him a happy birthday and celebrate even more.

Harry felt like it was impossible to talk to Louis.

Disappointed and more tired then drunk he decided that he would only stay to give Louis his present and than go home. He had to accept that today wasn’t the day to talk to Louis either.

And tomorrow they both would drive home to their families for Christmas so yeah. Maybe it was a sign that talking to Louis wasn't an as good idea as he had thought in the beginning.

He was about to go to the bar to grab his final drink of the night when suddenly someone pulled him at his elbow and dragged him in the opposite direction.

First, Harry was confused and couldn't make out who was dragging him along but then recognized him – Louis.

What did he want? Where was he going?

And suddenly he found himself and Louis in a small and dark room. The only lights came through a small window and the stars and the bright moon were turning Louis face in a dark gray.

Louis was looking at him. Intense stare and a small smile on his lips. “Hi.”, he whispered.

“Hey.”, was all Harry could say back before he could shake himself out of the Louis-trance he kind of fell into with Louis so close to him. “Why.. Why are we here?”

“I wanted to say 'hi' to my bestestes friend in the whole world.”, Louis slurred and only then could Harry see how he was slightly swinging from left to right and back. Too drunk to stay up straight.

And here they were again. Drunk and only then able to talk. Well, thank you!

Harry wasn't sure how to respond to that so he was just starring at some point in the dark behind Louis. And then he felt a small and warm hand on his cheek as Louis turned his head slightly so he was looking into his eyes.

“I miss you.”, Louis murmured. “I hardly saw you the last few weeks.”

“Well, that's not my fault, is it?”, Harry snapped, though he could feel his heartbeat speeding up.

Louis flushed a bit and turned his head away slightly. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Maybe? I'm pretty sure it was you who dumped me to stay with your girlfriend all week. Are we... Are we even best friends anymore? Because I don't know if you treat a friend like that!” Harry couldn't contain his anger anymore.

“Sorry.”, was apparently all Louis had to say.

“And now you suddenly drag me in some hidden room so that no one can find us – too drunk to even think properly – and you have nothing better to say than that you miss me? Well tank you, than makes everything better, you know. Plus, I think there are some other things to talk about, don't you think so, too? Like, us two, kissing -”

“Stop.”, murmured Louis.

“Us fighting-”

“Stop.”, Louis sad a bit louder this time.

“And then making up me getting each other-”

“STOP!!”, Louis screamed this time and when Harry looked up he could see tears in Louis eyes. “Stop.”, whispered another time. “I... We... I just can't...”

“Yeah, I know. You never can.” And that was it. All Harry wanted now was to leave. Go back to his dorm and sleep. Cry. Scream. All at once.

He knew that it was only a few minutes left until Louis birthday but he just couldn't stay anymore. He didn't want t see Eleanor all over him. Same for all the other guests.

So he turned around to leave the room but Louis grabbed him by his elbow again. Harry raised his eyebrows in question.

“Don't go.”, was all Louis could say.

“What?!” Harry couldn't believe what he just had heard. “Why Louis? Why should I stay? You don't want to talk about us. You ignore me most of the time. What is there left? What do you want?”

“Kiss me.”

“What?” Harry wasn't sure if he had understood him right. No, no way!

But: “Kiss me.”, murmured Louis again.

Louis was full on crying and took Harrys head in both his hands. “Pleas Harry. Kiss me at midnight. It's my birthday, isn't it? That's all I really want. You... you are all I want!”

Harry stood freezing in his spot against the wall of the small room. His mouth fell open in shock while he was staring into Louis wet eyes.

No, he couldn't give in. He was about to leave. He..

Why did he do that to him? Why now? Why tonight?

“Louis... No. I can't. We... We can't continue like that.”

Louis brought his face closer to Harrys, pushing their foreheads together. “Harry, please.”

Harry could feel his breath against his lips, could feel the heat of his hands against his cheeks. Louis had closed his eyes and was nosing against his cheekbones while murmuring little nonsense against his soft skin.  
Harry heard the music from the other room lake it was far away, heard other people asking for Louis and then a countdown for midnight.

He couldn't help himself when they had counted to zero and leaned in, closing the small gap between them.

And it might have been the best kiss they had shared yet. Louis lips moves soft against Harrys; slow and passionate. And when their tongues finally met, Harry knew that there was no going back.  
They kissed and licked and sucked and bit!

Harry didn't have a clue how long they kissed, he didn't even realize that they had stopped; still too high from kissing Louis. But he did hear the klick of someone shutting the door and when he took a look around he saw that he was alone yet again.

~~~

“Zayn, I'm leaving.”

“Harry, what? Why already?” When Zayn looked up into Harrys face he just gave him a quick and strong hug. “The talking didn't went well, did it?”

“Please don't ask.”, murmured Harry against his chest. “Do you think you could give him my present? It's... it's his Christmas and birthday present together. He'll understand.”

“Yes, sure. I'll see you tomorrow then?”

“I'm leaving very early to drive home, so probably not. I wish you nice holidays.”

And then he was off. Finally back to his dorm. And he would be out of the room if he hadn’t heard something that made him stop in his movements.

“Yes, after Christmas. It will be so nice. The flat is close to the campus but we will finally have our privacy. I can't wait!”

Harry normally wouldn't care but he new the voice of the person talking too well. And when he turned around a corner he could see Louis and Elanor, standing together with some other people; smiling and laughing.

Like magnets, Louis found Harrys eyes immediately. Just like he could feel him suddenly standing there, only a few feet away. His eyes widen in shock and he moves away his hand that he had slung around Eleanors waist.

“Finally moving in together.”, continued Eleanor, talking to the other people. “We found the flat a few weeks back and we know that it all goes very fast. But we both want it and so it was a quick decision for both of us. Wasn’t it, hun?” Eleanor looked up to Louis who still stared at Harry in shock.

Harry himself was in shock to. First, he couldn't move at all and then he was running. Running away from Louis and hopefully running away from his own life. Ho did that even became his own life.

Eleanors voice echoed in his head: 'Finally moving in together.' 'We found the flat a few weeks back.'  
And then there was Louis voice in his had, louder then anything else: 'I can't wait!'

No! No, that can't be true. How could he miss that Louis wanted to move out. He didn't say anything.

No, no, no!

They just kissed! Only 10 Minutes ago!

His whole life didn't make sense at all!

And suddenly everything was too much and Harry was laying on the floor, crying and curled together like a baby.

~~~

He could feel him, before he actually touched him.

“Harry!” Small hands tried to help him up from the floor. “Harry, please look at me.”

Harry shook is head and brought his hands in front of his face; hiding from Louis.

“Harry, please. I wanted to tell you, I swear!”

“Since when do you know it?”, muttered Harry through his hands.

“Does it really matter?”

“Since when?”

“A month maybe?”

Harry moved his hands way only to be able to glare at Louis. “Are you asking me?” His head was probably red like a tomato.

“No! I'm... I'm sorry, I really wanted to tell you. But I didn't know how...”

“Why are you running away?”

“Running... away? What are you talking about?”

“You are running away from me. From us! That's what you are doing. You are unbelievable and a coward.”

“I'm not a coward, Harry. I'm doing it for us?” Louis tried to reach out for Harry but Harry moved further away. “Harry, please don't be like that.”

“All you did the last few weeks was running away from your feelings. You are leaving me Louis!”

“I'm not leaving you, Harry. I am giving us space to finally become best mates again!

And well okay, that hurt. Like hell.

“BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS!” Harry couldn't help but scream! “I want to be more then friends. Louis, I think... Fuck, I think I love you!”

And this time it was Louis who moved away. “You... what? Harry, what the hell are you talking about?”

Too much, too much, too much. Harry couldn't think anymore. What was happening?

“We kissed, Louis. We kissed in our room, we kissed at parties. For fucks sake, we kissed like 15 Minutes ago! But you are to scared to talk about it. You prefer to run away to your girlfriend.” Furiously, Harry wiped away the tears from his face and stood up. “I'm sick of being your dirty little secret. I know it's not just me. You said it yourself today. In the room. You said you want me. But fuck Louis, fuck YOU! I deserve better! I deserve fucking better!”

And then he was running again. He did see the tears in Louis eyes, the pleading look. But he didn't care, just like Louis didn't care, he told himself.

~~~

When he got back to his dorm he just took his already packed suitcase, preferring to wait on the train station for is train rather then sleeping in this room with all the weird memories that it contains.


	11. Chapter 11

At first, being home and back with his family felt good.  
Harry had time for himself, could relax with his family and just enjoy Christmas without spending to  
much time thinking about Louis.

It was nice to spend some quality time with his family over the holidays. Back with his family it felt like everything was normal again and nothing in his life had changed.

Only after Christmas, two days before new years eve, Harry found himself sitting in his room and finally thinking about Louis.  
He wondered if Louis was already back at university to pack all his stuff. If Eleanor was with him and if they would exchange kisses between packing.

Harry still couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't believe that this was becoming life.

But the distance to Louise had also its positive side because all that alone time made Harry realize that his decision about not wanting to be Louis dirty little secret any longer was the right and best decision he could make.  
He finally did accept that the thing he had with Louis would never make him happy. He was sure about not wanting to continue like that.

~~~

Harrys phone buzzed. He was lying on his bad, his face straight into the pillow, with the phone next to his head.

He took his mobile phone without looking up but throwing it away from him somewhere down the bed so he couldn't reach it.

Harry was pretty sure that it was another concerned text from Zayn. Or maybe from Niall or Liam but it wouldn't make a difference because Harry had enough of their pity. All they did since Harry left for Christmas was right or calling him to ask how he felt.

Harry didn't know how much they knew, how much they saw at Louis birthday party and how Louis and him had separated. But he wasn't keen on finding it out either.  
He didn't want to know how much Zayn figured out, if Niall and Liam found out anything about what was going on or if maybe Zayn told them more.

Though, the least thing he wanted to know was how Louis reacted after Harry had left. If he felt bad. If he even did care at all or just went back to the party.

So Harry ignored his friend most of the time.

At the beginning, he had told them that he was fine and that he was enjoying his time at home. But since he had realized that the distance made everything clearer for him in his head he had stopped writing any of them just to keep the distance to Louis.

Or maybe he was just scared about losing his other friends, too, because he was pretty sure that he had lost the friendship with Louis. There was nothing left to safe. That wouldn't help him nor Louis because they both made their final decisions.

~~~

His phone buzzed a few times more but Harry kept on ignoring it.

But apparently someone really want to talk to him because only 10 minutes later Gemma was storming into his room.

"Harry, why the hell do you have a phone if you don't use it. Here, it's..." She stopped talking when she saw Harry lying on his bed. She probably felt that something was wrong.

But still, she hold out the family phone for Harry and raised her eyebrows as an question for him to take it.

Harry just shook his head and hoped that his sister would understand that he wasn't in the mood to talk to whoever was on the phone.

Luckily, his sister knew him inside out and catch his mood. "Sorry Zayn. He... Ehm..." Harry could hear her sign. "He's not in his room."

Zayn said a few words to Gemma and Harry could hear his low voice humming through the phone and then they end the call with Gemma saying: "Yes, I will try my best."

Harry lay still and hoped that his sister would leave his room without saying anything but again, luck wasn't on his side.

He could hear her walking towards him and felt the mattress dipped under her weight as she sat down at the corner of his bed.

"You know that Zayn knows that I lied to him about you not being there, don't you?", she said in a soft voice. He could hear her concern but he couldn't bring himself to turn around to look into her eyes. So he just nodded.

"So why don't you want to talk to him?", she asked just as worried while putting a small but comforting hand on his back. "Oh Harry, come on! At least look at me."

But Harry only shrugged with his shoulders and a few seconds later he could hear Gemma leaving the room.

But before she shut the door she turned back around and said: "You know where you can find me if you should decide that you want to talk. And talk to Zayn, he seems very worried."

And suddenly, and Harry really don't know why he chose his sister to tell everything, he murmured: "I think I'm gay.", against his pillow.

He wasn't sure if she heard him and he also didn't know what he would prefer but than he heard her closing the door again with her still inside the room.

Finally, he looked up.

And Gemma was looking at him, too, and Harry was pleased to see that he couldn't find any disgust in her face. She seemed confused, though.

"You are...?"

"Gay!", he finished for her. "Or... I don't know, I at least think I might be..."

"How… or… Why do you think that?" She looked at him and suddenly her eyes widen in shock. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. That's totally inappropriate to ask, isn't it? I mean, I hope you know that it won't change anything for me. You are still in my stupid little brother that I love with all my heart."

First, Harry laughed. And then they both were laughing and hugging each other. Though, Harry couldn't stop himself to whisper a very serious "thanks" into Gemmas ear.

And then they smiled at each other for very long time.

~~~

Harry ended up telling Gemma everything that had happened the last few month because, well, because she was family.

"And now he's moving in with her?", Gemma asked as soon as he had finished.

"Yeah, I suppose so...", Harry said while wiping his eyes.

He had cried a bit while telling his sister about Louis but he was happy that he has chosen her for his first coming out because she was a good listener.

Now he felt lighter. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally start becoming happy again.

And he was happy to get the best advice that he could hope for in his current situation.

"You know, I think stopping the thing with Louis was the best decision you could make. You have enough confusion going on in your head without him and the last you need right now is someone playing with your feelings. I know it's hard to lose your best friend and it is even harder if you are feeling so much more but he wasn't treating you right and you were right when you said that you deserve more. You deserve someone who genuinely loves you and who you can trust with all your heart. And I'm very sorry to say that but Louis isn't that person. It doesn't matter if you are the one he really wants because he choose her over you which shows that he's definitely not ready yet. But you shouldn't wait for him. You should start sorting out your own problems without concentrating on something else. Go out, meet other people and find out what you are and what you really want. You are growing up so much right now and you should find out what a person you want to be without being stopped by someone else. You are allowed to be selfish sometimes and you have to find yourself in all that mess instead of waiting for someone who might never be ready."

~~~

He called Zayn later that night!

But instead of saying anything like “I'm sorry” he just said “I came out to Gemma today” straight after Zayn had picked up the phone.

“Wow.”, was all he said for a while.

Harry knew that he basically just came out to Zayn, too, because yeah, Zayn knew more then the rest but Harry never labeled anything with Louis.  
Or no! Not with Louis. Not everything is about Louis!

He never labeled what was going on with himself!

“Wow.”, said Zayn again, sounding taken by surprise but also genuinely happy for Harry. “Yeah, cool, that's super! I'm happy for you, mate!”

“Thanks! I'm happy, too!”

And that is so much more than true. He couldn’t stop smiling since he had talked to Gemma and even thought he wasn't ready to talk to his mother or Robin yet (“I want to sort it all out first, before I tell them) they all could feel the change in his mood.

The whole atmosphere in his family was better!

“So yeah, I thought you deserve to know.”, Harry said next. “you now, after me being such a twat and never replying to your massages.”

“And for making your sister lie to me!”, said Zayn but he didn't sound angry. He actually sounded rather bemused.

“Yeah, sorry about that!”

They both laughed for a while but Harry could sense that Zayn wanted to say some more.

“Come on, Zayn! What do you want to know?”

Zayn coughed nervously before he spoke: “Yeah... ehm, well... okay. Haz, you know, I'm very happy that you are happy but we both know you have another big problem that needs to be sorted out.”

“Louis...?”

“Yeah, he... well he wrote me today that he is back in London since yesterday...”

“Stop right there, Zayn! I know he is back already and I know that he is moving out of our dorm. I found out at his birthday party.”

“I wanted to tell you, you know? But it wasn't my job to tell you, was it? I said to him he had to tell you and I thought he had... I only found out at his party that he didn't... I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. I mean, no, it's not but I already lost Louis, I don't want to be mad at the rest of you and loose you as well.”

“You, Harry come on, you didn't lose him. You two still can be friends. You'll be alright as some point.”

Harry couldn't help but laugh at that. “You know we kissed.”

“Yes, you told me...”

“No! I mean that night, at his birthday party."

“I... oh wow, no. I didn't know that.” And there it was again, the pity in Zayn voice that Harry didn't want. Didn't need!

“At midnight! He said all he wants for his birthday is me and a kiss.” Harry had to laugh again but it was a very dry laugh. “And I did give in again. I wanted to talk but I couldn't stop myself. Again. I'm so stupid!

“No Harry, you are not!”

“I was! Because I always came back to him. I thought he wanted the same as me and was just to much of a coward. But, do you know what he said to me? That night? After he literally had begged me to kiss him?” As Zayn didn't say anything Harry just continued. “He told me that I was imagining things and why I had to make everything so complicated. He said it was just nothing, a bit of fun maybe.I would ruin our frinedship... But all I had to say was that I love him. Ha, I'm such an idiot, I still can't believe that I said that!”

“You are not an idiot!”, said Zayn again.

“Yes, I definitely was! But you are right. Not anymore! Enough is enough. I don't want to be a secret! And maybe him moving out is the best thing that could happen to me. It gives me room to breath and think. It gives us space, so he can finally do what ever he thinks is best for him and I can figure myself out. And then, when I know what I want and finally stopped wanting him, then we might be able to at least save our friendship.”

Zayn was speechless. And so was Harry because all he had to say was finally out.

~~~

Being back at university was better then Harry had expected.

Louis was really gone. When he first entered the room one half was totally empty. But Harry didn't feel as bad about it as he thought.

He also didn't really care about that he never heard from Louis. No goodbye letter, text or anything. There also were no causal text Louis did send as a try to stay friends.

Maybe he had figured out the same thing that Harry did.

It was hard, obviously, but definitely for the better!

Because Harry was happier again. He could spend time with Zayn, Liam and Niall just as normal, though, he new he had to tell Liam and Niall something at some point in the future but he had to concentrate on himself first before telling them what was going on.

He also didn't knew what Louis was telling them but they managed to never see each other the first few weeks.

So yeah, it really was getting better in a weird kind of way. He also stopped thinking about Louis that often. He hardly ever wondered what he was doing and thinking and feeling. What he thought about the whole situation and what he really wanted. It was probably because thinking about Louis made him sad and angry and he sometimes started to scream and cry but hey, he loved that guy and tried his best to move on.

And he ignored the little voice in his head that told him that he never ever would!

~~~

Getting a new roommate was also something Harry was really looking forward to. And So he was really happy when he came back to his dorm one Tuesday in the third week of January and there was another person in his room unpacking all his stuff.

As soon as the guy head someone open the door he turned around and had one of the brightest smiles on his face Harry had ever seen.

“Hello. I'm George and you must be Harry. I'm so excited to finally meet you and I hope you are not bothered if I hug you now.”

And without waiting for any reaction he was in Harrys personal space so give him a very strong hug.

And yeah, Harry liked it. Because it was an answer to many, many questions in his head!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise an update before christmas but I'll try my best to get the next chapter out as soon as possible!
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter and let me know what you think! And maybe say hi to my tumblr: theirtattoosthough
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "... I'll try my best to get the next chapter out as soon as possible!", she said but doesn't update for nearly three month!!!
> 
> OMG I can't even begin to say how sorry I am but I was a bit lazy after Christmas and then I had a writing blockade. I know that's a really bad excuse but that's how it is. Again, I'm really sorry!
> 
> And I'll also apologise for Louis in this chapter. I actually should apologise for Louis in this whole story because he won't get his shit together until the end! So be warned! HAHAHA
> 
> On a happier note, Happy Louis-Is-Finally-Wearing-A-Headband-Day! I saw the pictures and I loved them!!

Harry really liked George. He was a really nice and funny guy.  
George was the type of person who just lived his life the way he wanted to. He was about five years older than Harry and had spend the last few years traveling the world. He had been everywhere, literally! And he was this kind of guy that everyone wants to have as a friend. He had friends all around the world and so many stories to tell about all his exciting trips and even little adventures. One could think that it all was a big show of but it really wasn't. He was way too kind for his own good and maybe didn't even know what an exciting person he was.

Harry was really fascinated by him.

He missed Louis, of course he did. But George was so open that every time they spend together, he could forget Louis for a bit.  
He could also forget about the fact that he came out to his sister and Zayn. He only realized a few days later what actually had happened over the holidays and even if he was still sure that it had made his chest feel lighter he still wasn't sure if it was the right time. If he was ready yet.  
He couldn't undo it to Gemma and Zayn and he didn't want to do that either but he was also definitely not ready to come out to the rest of his fiends.

And that was why he enjoyed spending time with George! Because George didn't know anything about him. He was the knew one who didn't have a clue about what had happened the last few month or even the last one and a half years. He didn't even knew Louis at all and so that meant that Harry could spend time with him without having to worry about weird and annoying question about Louis.

~~~

It was still the first week back after the Christmas holidays and Harry was walking down the hallway from is last lecture of the day. He was about to leave the building through the big double doors in the direction of is dorm, happy that a long and exhausting day was over and was very much looking forward to the relaxing DVD evening that he and George had planned, when he heard someone calling after him.

“Harry! Hey Harry, wait.”

Harry closed his eyes because please, all he wanted was to go to is room, get out of his tight jeans and eat some instant foot in his bed. But he also felt a little bit bad for his behavior the last few days, that he was ignoring his friends most of the time and rather was around George, and so he stopped walking and turned around.

His eyes met dark brown ones!

“Hey Liam!”, he heard himself saying and couldn't help the small smile that found its way on his face.

Liam was smiling at him as well but Harry could see the confusion and sadness in his eyes. And yes, Harry felt bad that he hadn't spend any time with his friends since university started again. He knew no one except Zayn understood why Harry had to take a few steps back from his friends and he hoped Zayn had found an explanation that didn't make Harry look like a total dick.

And of course he missed his friends but he just couldn't. He was too afraid to meet Louis and he couldn't risk to see his other friends because Louis might be with them.

It annoyed him that this whole situation made him to someone who would prefer to hid in his room instead of spending time with his best mates. But no matter how hard he tried, I was hurt and he couldn't pretend like nothing was bothering him. But because he was also not ready to tell them the reason his only solution was to hide, wasn't it?

God, he really hated the situation that he got himself into!

“Hey.”, Liam said again. “Good to see you. Feels like I haven't seen you for ages. How was Christmas?”

Harry chuckled nervously because they both knew that they actually hadn't seen each other for ages. They both knew he was hiding but the worry and concern in Liams eyes showed Harry that Liam didn't understood why. And why would he?

“Oh yeah. Christmas was awesome! Really nice to be back with my family. You?”

“Same! But Dani and I didn't stay long. We came back right after New Years and helped Louis and El with their new flat.”

Lou and El. Lou. And. El. LouAndEl.

Now it wasn't LouisAndHarry anymore. No Lou and Haz. Lewis and Harold. Hazza, Curly or any other name that Louis had given Harry since they first met. It wasn't them anymore because Louis had found someone else. He didn't want to be LouisAndHarry anymore. He prefers LouAndEl.

“Did you already see it?”

“What.” Harry had to focus back on Liam. “Sorry, I zoned out for a sec.”

“I asked if you've already visit Louis in his new flat?”, he sounded nervous while asking the question.

“Oh.. no. No I haven't. Been quite busy the last few days! Lots of papers to give to the teachers and stuff, you know.”

“Yeah, sure.. But...”, suddenly he seemed even more nervous. “Did you and Louis had a fight? At his birthday party or something?”

Harry starred at Liam, not sure what to say to that. Should he lie? Was it even a lie? They did had a fight after all. But of course not one that Liam thought they had so it probably would be a lie. Or at least not the truth, which was what he actually deserved! Liam, and Niall for that matter, could sense since weeks that there was something up between him and Louis and it wasn't fair for them to be so confused about there fiver friendship that used to be so good.

But maybe that was what Louis told them to stop asking? They must have been just as concerned about him and it would make everything even more complicated if they would tell two different stories about why they weren't talking to each other anymore.

“Well... I... We might drift a part a bit?” He made the sentence sound more like a question so he coughed slightly before continuing in hope not to sound so unsure about what he was about to explain. “Isn't it always a bit difficult if your best friend suddenly is in a relationship? It used to be you and him and then there is someone else you have to share him with, you know? Remember when I said I would have Louis until I find the perfect girl?”

He couldn't stop smiling as he thought about that memory and that moment. Louis and him were so good back then. “Well, as it turns out, he was the first to find a girl and it is more difficult to get used to the new situation then I thought. But I will, I promise. And then we all will be go back to normal.”

And he really hoped it. It wasn't 100% the truth what he just told Liam but he was happy with his explanation. Because he knew that he has to get used to the new situation and Louis had chosen Eleanor. Louis didn't love him. Or didn't want to or whatever. And Harry had accepted that. He himself was the one who wanted to stop it. He didn't want to be the secret anymore and he was more then sure about his decision by now. And he was mad at Louis for treating him lake that but he also loves and missed him so he hoped that at some point, they could at least save their friendship. Or, what was probably more important at this point, their friendship as a group!

“Just... just give me some time and space!”

~~~

Harry felt so much better after his conversation with Liam. They talked for a bit longer and Liam walked him back to his dorm. They even drank a tea on their way and Harry found himself being back to normal around Liam for the first time in weeks.

Though, because he didn't want to ruin the new found happiness he unfortunate agreed to come to Louis housewarming party. However, Liam said it would be a big party “just like you'd expect from Tommo” so Harry had hope that there would be enough people so it wouldn't have to get awkward with Louis. He could spend some quality time with the rest of his friends because now they knew that he wouldn't act normal around Louis and they sort of understood why.

“Okay, awesome! I'll see you on Friday, then.”, was the last thing that Liam said before he gave Harry a strong hug and left in the direction of his flat.

Harry himself went inside his dorm building and hurried up the staircases to is floor and his room just to find George sitting on his bad, eating his instant noodles while he was grinning brightly at him.

“What took you so long?”, was what he said as a greeting, spoon still in his mouth.

“Just a deep and meaningful conversation with a friend.”

“Deep and meaningful? Please don't give me any more details about the 'deep'?”, George said, a shit eating grin still playing on his lips.

Harry rolled his eyes before he threw his jeans at George which he just pulled off his legs. “Idiot!”

“Oh no! And now you want to get 'deep and meaningful' with me? Nooo. Help!”, he mock screamed.

“Yeah sure, you wish!”, Harry laughed before he pulled on some sweatpants.

“Hm, thinking about it, maybe I do!”

At that, Harry looked up irritated and raised one of his eyebrows before they both laughed out loud and Harry threw pillow at George.

“If I where you, I would stop throwing things at me as I'm eating while sitting in your bad. Tomato sauces is really difficult to get out.”

“Oh yeah, thanks about that by the way. My bed, my noodles. Bad enough that I don't have anything to eat now but I also won't be able to sleep because my sheets will smell like hell!”

“First of all you love my smell so you will sleep like you're in heaven. And secondly, you were late and I got hungry again which ended up with me eating your portion as well. As you can see, all your fault.”

Harry had to roll his eyes then. “Someone should really stop you!”, but then he was laughing again and George was grinning widely and made some space at Harrys bed.

“Okay, you know what?”, asked George after had sat down next to him. “We just skip these disgusting instant noodles and I'll take you out for some high quality pizza at pizza express. How does that sounds?”

“That, not like your smell, does actually sound like heaven. But you don't have to pay for me. I can might be a poor student but I can still afford a pizza.”

“No, no back talk! It's the least I can do after I ate your highly noodles.”

“Heeey!”, Harry whined and pushed Georges shoulder.

“You acted like they are your religion or something. So come one, let me treat like the beautiful, handsome man that you are.” And than he stood up and pulled Harry with him out of the door.

~~~

Harry had one of the must funniest nights since ages. It felt like he hadn't laughed so free and open since forever. And sometimes he found himself thinking that being with George was a bit like it used to be with Louis at the beginning. Harry could easily say that George was a real friend even tough he only knew him since a few days.

But then again, he had to realize that he wasn't Louis. Because Louis was special and he might always be someone special for Harry (he shouldn't forget that it was only a couple of weeks ago that he finished with whatever he and Louis had) but he was trying to get on with his life and to bring his old and real self back.  
As his sister had said. In situations like that, someone was allowed to be a bit selfish and he had to think about himself now and only when he got that sorted out could he think about how to fix it with Louis or if that even would be possible.

And George made him forget about Louis and, without knowing it, helped him a lot with finding himself again!

What he never thought about was what he would do when Louis and George would finally meet. And what he even less expected was that this night at pizza express would be that night.

George was just about to ask for the bill when Louis and ,wow, what a surprise, Eleanor entered the restaurant. They where both smiling brightly but Louis eyes found Harrys instantly, like magnets.

His smile fell from his face as he mustered Harry from head to toe before staring back into his eyes.  
Louis eyes seemed unsure, like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to smile at him, or wave, or maybe even come over.

Harry wasn't sure how to react either. After all, he was still very much mad at him.

But only then seemed Louis to realize Harrys company and he narrowed his eyes to angry slits, glaring one last ice cold glare at Harry and than grabbing Eleanor at her wrist and walking her in the furthest corner of the restaurant.

George was totally oblivious about what had just happened. It seemed that after the waiter brought the bill, he just kept on talking about something (and honestly, this guy could talk forever without a break, not even to breath).

Harry just laughed when George laughed himself and it seemed like he had listened to his story all the time.

George kept on talking, payed the bill somewhere in between and Harry tried his best to gave him 100% of his attention but in the end he couldn't stop staring at Louis. Or more at his back that was facing him, while he was talking, laughing and joking with Eleanor.

He was caught off guard when George suddenly stood up from the table. Harry stared at him with wide and surprised eyes.

“Come on, lets leave. Maybe you'll listen to me again, when we are back in our dorm room.”, George said but he was smiling amused. “You are so off in your had sometimes, it's funny to watch.”

Harry made a nervous laugh at that before following George to the door. Though, he couldn't help one last glance back to Louis table and he would have believed that Louis ignored them all the time, weren't it for the window next to him that reflected his angry glare in tight pressed lips.

At that, Harry couldn't suppress is smile as he followed George and tried to walk as close next to him as possible.

He wasn't sure why he did that except of the fact that he knew it very well, though he wasn't sure if he could really make Louis jealous with that!

~~~

Harry decided the next day, that George should come to Louis party with him. It was easy and quick, just like their friendship.

“You know what?”, he suddenly said.

“Hm?” George looked up from his essay that he was writing.

“One of my... eh, friends. He is having a housewarming party on Friday and you should come with me.?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, of course! It's about time that you meet my other friends. They gonna love you.”

And then they were grinning at each other. “Sounds like you want to introduce your boyfriend.”

At that, Harry only choked slightly.

~~~

When Harry and George arrived at Louis flat they both were already slightly drunk. They had three beers each and also a few shots while getting ready. In his state of slightly dullness, George was even able to convince Harry that they both would wear partner headscarfs.

“Headscarfs?”, Harry had asked and responded with an “Gonna look ace with your curls!”, before he pushed another beer bottle into his hands.

And so they stood in front of the building in which Louis lived now, both of them wearing wired flower printed headscarfs and Harry also had a card and some alcohol as a little housewarming gift.

When the rang the bell and went upstairs to Louis flat, not one of the hosts but some random guy opened the door and Harry was happy that he wasn't forced to talk to Louis straight away. He might be a little drunk already but defiantly not yet drunk enough to see let alone talk to him.

There were so many people that Harry wondered how they all fit into the flat. The first person that he saw and actually new the name of was Niall so he grabbed George by his wrist and pulled him along to Niall.

“Niall – my new roommate George! George – my Irish friend Niall!”, was what Harry said as a greeting.

Niall, being his open, carefree and also slightly drunk self, gave Georges shoulder a few pets before shoving some vodka mix in both of their hands and said: “To George!”

Niall and Geroge get on very well, just like Harry had expected. Liam and Zayn, who joined them at some point of the night, seemed to like George just as well and Harry realized about two hours into the party, that he had way more fun then he thought he would have.

This could be because he not even saw or heard Louis the whole night, though, he only realized that when they all decided they had enough but Liam insisted that they had to say goodbye to Louis.

Harry really did not feel like he had to do that so he decided to quickly go to the loo before they leave.

The universe, however, seemed to hate him because while the others went off to look for Louis and he was the one who didn't want to see him, he was the one who found him.

He was about to go into the loo when the door opposite opened and Louis came out of a dark room that looked like the bedroom.

“What the hell do you have in your hair, Haz?”, he slurred. He was so drunk, he could hardly stay up straight.

Harry really wanted to ignore him and just go to the loo like he hat intended to do but then he felt two small hands circle around his wrist and pulling him into the other room.

Yep, definitely the bedroom, he realized when his eyes fell on the big bed. How many times did Louis fuck Eleanor in that, was the next drunken thought that came to his mind.

“Come on, Hazza? Do you ignore me now? Am I not hipstery enough for you? With your new hipstery headscarf and especially your new hipster friend?”

“Louis, what do you want?”, Harry sighted. It was kind of sad for Harry to see Louis like that. Yes, a few days ago in the restaurant he wanted Louis to be a bit jealous. Wanted him to maybe realize what he had lost. But this, drunken Louis, this was just sad. And it reminded Harry that Louis apparently only seemed to care, or was brave enough to say that he cared, when he was drunk.

“What's his name? Ah yes, Gerogie! Is he your new best friend?” Louis looked at Harry with wide and open eyes. His hands that used to be on his wrist were now moving upwards Harrys body one stopping at his neck the other one stopping at his cheek. “Is he your new me?”

“Louis!”, Harry whispered. He didn't want to talk about that, about them.

“But we both know that he will never be me. You will never feel the same for him then you do for me.” He started to stork Harrys cheek with his thumb. “Not even you going on dates with him will change that. You know it, I know it and he will know it, too.”

“Lou!” Harry couldn't stop himself saying the nickname. He could feel himself go weak. He was about to give in. With Louis so close all he wanted was to kiss him. Again and again and again. No matter if Louis was drunk. Harry felt like he could never stop loving Louis and all the progress that he thought he had made in the last few weeks meant nothing. He felt like he would always go weak for Louis and do everything for him. “Lou, it's not like that! He isn't even gay!”

At that, Louis took a step back and Harry felt suddenly alone and vulnerable.

“Yes, and you are neither!”

Harry opened his eyes in shock; hadn't even realized that he had closed them in the beginning. “What?”

“You are not gay Harry! You would've told be but you never did. We where so good and you had to ruin it with your... your feelings.”, Louis said the last word with so much disgust.

“Louis, I don't recognize you.”, said Harry in shock, feeling the tears burning at the back of his eyes.

“Yeah!”, Louis laughed without any humor behind it. “I don't recognize me best friend either. Or better, ex best friend. You already looked for a replacement. Thanks that I mean that much to you.”

At that, Harry broke. He was crying but also angry and screaming at the same time. “I wasn't replacing you, you idiot! I was looking for a distraction and he really is a nice guy. I could talk to him freely because he didn't knew about any of the shit that was going on in my head. Like, it's not enough that I have feelings for my best friend that he does not return but because the person that I love is also my best friend I have no one to go to after my rejection. That can make you feel very lonely.”

And than he was laughing. Dry and angry. “But looking back now, I didn't even knew what feeling lonely meant back then. Because now I'm feeling really lonely. Now, when I need my best friend the most, I have to reconsider if he ever really was my best friend. I need you for a much bigger reason because my whole life has changed in a few weeks. I had to accepted that I am gay and even tough you don't feel the same it would be nice to have someone for all the other shit that is going on now. My whole future that I planned out is turning up side down and the person I thought would always be there for me – my best friend – is trying to tell me I'm not gay. Thank you very much, that is really want I need right now! I mean, we kissed or whatever and it didn't meant the same for you than it did for me. Okay fine, I will get over that. But you not being there for me while I'm going through something much bigger and confusing; I'm not sure if I'll ever get over that!”

When Harry finally stopped talking he looked up to Louis eyes and only then did he realize that Louis was crying, too.

And Harry couldn't handle it anymore, he hat to leave.

“I'm sorry.”, whispered Louis as Harry moved towards the door. “You're right. I'm an idiot!”

Harry turned his head back to Louis.

“I was a really bad best friend the last few weeks, I know that and I'm sorry. And I know you won't believe me now and I'm drunk but I'll prove to you that I really was your best friend all this time and that I still am! I was jealous and worried to loose you as a friend because... you know, because I didn't choose you. But I want to be there for you for all the other stuff and help you. I really do! I'll prove you, I'll promise. And I still do recognize you, just so you know. You are my brave Hazza and I'm sorry I made you feel like you're alone in this. Because you're not! I'm here, I'll always be here!”

Both of them where still crying. No wonder, this was a huge moment but all Harry could say to that was “okay” because he wasn't sure if he could trust Louis words. He really hoped that Louis meant it and that he would be there for him from now on. That he really felt sorry for rejecting him but that he would be there for all the rest and that he would stay by Harrys side no matter if Harry was gay or bi or anything else. But he had to leave for now. He had to wait until tomorrow to see if Louis would say the same when he was sober. But he had hope because he felt like he saw a bit of the old Louis in his confession!

The last thing Harry heard before the door closed behind him was Louis small voice saying: “I love you Harry and I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you love me. I'm not as brave as you, I'm not brave enough to choose you...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and feedback means a lot to me! xx
> 
> And I promise that the next update will be sooner!
> 
> Tumblr: theirtattoosthough


	13. Chapter 13

The only one already waiting at the door to leave the party was George but Harry couldn't wait for the other three, he had to leave now.

“Hey! Your friends aren't here yet but I bet they'll be-”, George stopped talking when he saw the look on Harrys face. “Harry, mate, what happened? You... did you cry?”

“Let's go!”, was all Harry said before he grabbed his coat and walked away towards the exit.

George stormed after him. “What? Harry, wait! What's going on?”

Harry turned back around, a pleading look on his face. “I can't... please, can we just go?”

And luckily Gorge seemed to sense that Harry didn't want to talk about what just happened because he grabbed his own coat and followed Harry out of the door without further questions.

~~~

They didn't talk on there way home and Harry was really grateful for that. He was still too confused about what did just happen with Louis. Again!

No kissing this time and thank god also nothing more then that but again all this confusing talking that gave Harry the worse headache. Though, he felt like they really discussed something. Like, if Louis really meant what he said, than they might be able to at least be able to safe their friendship.

Because Harry meant what he had said. He didn't need Louis as more than he friend. He would like it to be more, of course, but if he couldn't have Louis this way he didn't also want to loose him as a friend.

He needed some distance to cool down a bit and forget the way Louis had treated him the past few month but their talk felt like some sort of closure. It will take him some more time to actually get over Louis but he will at some point – he has to! – but than he will have Louis next to him with the next boy and all the confusing time before!

If Louis really meant what he had said, which Harry really hoped he did. Because he just needed Louis in his life in some way! He didn't want to be his secret, he can't be his boyfriend but he will be his friend. Hopefully forever!

And at some point in the future, someone else will come around for Harry, that will love him back and than everything will be perfect.

“Harry?”

Harry was so focused on his thoughts that he hadn't even realized that they were back in their room.

“Harry, I'm sorry. I can tell that you don't want to talk about it but you looked so sad and hurt, I can't just not ask you what happened back at the party.”

Harry just kept on ignoring George and walked straight to his bed.

“H, come one! You know you can talk to me, right?” Gorge sat down on Harrys bed as well. “I'm really worried. You looked awful back at the party. You still do and it seemed like you had cried? I can't help but think like something serious went down?”

Harry glared at George before he rolled over in his bed, his back facing George. “Thanks, mate!”, murmured he into his pillow.

“You know that I didn't mean that in a bad way. I... okay, you know. You don't want to talk about it. I get it. I just want you to know that if you want to talk about it, I'll always be there to listen to you. About anything, any time. And as far as I can, I would try my best to help you.” And with that, Gorge stood up and walked over to his own bed.

Harry wasn't really mad at George. He still was so confused. He wasn't sure what to expect came tomorrow. Will he and Louis be back to normal? Or would they try at least? If yes, then it will be awkward because Harry can't just forget how he feels and Louis can't just forget that he knows. But whatever, it will be better than before. And after a bit of time it might be normal again.

Hopefully.

Harry tired to sleep. He wanted it to be tomorrow, wanted to find out how it will be and if Louis meant what he had said, but Harry just couldn't sleep.

'I love you Harry and I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you love me. I'm not as brave as you, I'm not brave enough to choose you...'

What did Louis mean when he said that? Why did he say it? For sentences like that, Harry could hate him again. Sentences that were messing with his head and gave him wrong hope again.

If he wanted them to work, he probably had to stop thinking like that. Louis meant it different, in which way ever, but not like Harry hoped he had meant it.

But the more he tried not to think, the more a actually thought about it.

And suddenly he was sitting up again and walking towards Georges bed; kneeing down next to it.

“George.”, he whispered. “George, are you still awake?”

George stirred before he turned around in his bed and looked up to Harry with confused and very tired eyes. “Harry? What?”

“Oh.. I'm sorry. I thought you might still be awake. It's not that important!”, Harry apologized before he stood up again. But before he could turn around, George had sat up in his bed as well and has grabbed for his wrist.

“Harry, stop! Don't worry. I told you, you can always talk to me! I meant, when I said that.” And then George pulled on Harrys wrist. “Come, sit down.”

Harry sat down nervously and stared down at his feet; not saying a word for a while. But George was patiently waiting for Harry to be ready to talk.

“Ehm, well.... The boy from the party, Louis, he is my best friend. Or, he was... I'm not really sure.”

He could feel a comforting hand on his back, moving up and down. “A friendship isn't just over because of one argument. I'm sure he is just as upset as you are now and tomorrow you two can talk it out!” George smiled at him. “All will turn out good.”

“It's not just tonight.... We are sort of on bad terms since a few weeks. It's complicated.” Harry wanted to talk to someone, that was why he woke George up to begin with, but now that he could talk, he wasn't sure what he was allowed to tell and if he even was ready himself to tell the truth; if he wanted more people that Gemma and Zayn to know. And Louis, obviously.

“I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to wake you up.”, he added then.

“Don't worry about that, it's fine. Plus, I can understand if you don't want to talk about it and you really don't have to. We can just sit here and talk about something else. Or we could play some FIFA to take your mind off thinks.” And George was smiling at him like he really meant it which lead them to end up playing video games until the early mornings.

~~~

Even though they went to bad very late, Harry woke up just past 7 the next morning. He lay in bed for a while, thinking about how it would be like when he would meet Louis the next time. If it really would be better between them and if they really could be best friends again.

At half past 8, he decided that he had enough of lying around and so he god up to get some fresh air and to buy George and him some breakfast at the bakery near the campus.

What he didn't expect was that he would run into Louis on his way out of the building. 

“Oops.”, said Harry.

“Hi!”, said Louis.

They both laughed nervously and looked at each other.

“Hey, and Sorry.”, responded Harry after what felt like hours. “What are you doing around the dorms this early?”

“I...”, Louis coughed slightly before he continued. “I was actually on my way to yours..?”

“Mine? I, wow sorry, I just didn't expect you to come and visit me.”, Harry said baffled.

“Yesterday, I wouldn't expect me doing that either but... but I meant what I said yesterday at the party, you know? I want to try us to be friends again.” And then Louis was smiling nervously at Harry, his eyes were bright and open though.

Harry couldn't help the hope that he suddenly felt. He had missed Louis being in his life and it would be so easy to just say yes. Of course, he wanted to try it, too, he just wasn't sure if it would be as easy as Louis apparently made it out to be. Just coming around like nothing ever happened. 

"Yesterday you also said that you do not recognise me, that I'm not gay... I'm not sure if you are really ready.. if you know what it means to be firends again."

Harry was just so confused.

"Gosh Harry, I'm so sorry about all the shit that I said before." Louis looked up toHarrys and Harry could see tears in his eyes. "It's me I actually can't recognise anymore! I look in there mirrow and have to ask myself 'Who the fuck are you?!'"

Louis sniffled silently and all Harry wanted to do his scoop him up and give him the stronged hug ever.

"Please Harry, I know that I treated you soo bad the last few month. I was confused and didn't know how to handly the whole situation. But pushing you away and beeing meand to you was the worth I could do. Because I'm an even bigger mess without you in my life. I need you to ground me and to show me when I habr to stop being a litlle shit. You make me a better person, you are the best firend anyone could ask for and I treated you so baly. I could understand if you would never be able to trust me again but I want to prove to you that I mean it. I just need you back in my life. What ever that means. I want to know that you don't hate me because if could never be happy again if you do. You were right when you said I should be there for the whole coming out thing. And now I want to tell you that I will. I will be there as a friend or whatever else you need me!"

Suddenly, they both were crying again but Harry was to tired of crying. It might have been the wrong thing to do, many people would probably wonder how he could forgive someone so quickly who treated him so badly, but it was Louis and he would prpbaly forgive Louis anytime. But forgiving doesn't mean forgetting because he would never forget what Louis did to their friendship. But he was just so tired and he wanted to try, try to get his life back on track and not being stuck in this confusing and sad situation forever.

~~~

They were sitting on a small table in the bakery, talking about casual stuff when Louis suddenly burst out with his real thought: “If this feels weird to you I can give you space, yeah? Don't feel like you have to forgive me, I know I've been a proper dick to you.”

Harry was puzzled because of the sudden change of subject but he was quick to respond: “No Louis. It's not that. I mean, yes, I'm worried that it might be difficult to go back to how we were but I want to try. I missed you.” He looked up into Louis blue eyes before he added: “As a friend, of course.”

“I promise, I'll be your friend again! I'll be there for you whenever you need me. I love you, you know that, yes? That won't go away just like that. I will show you, I will prove it to you and I won't stop, I'll try by best to earn your trust and love again.”

And so they were going to try. Harry still wasn't sure how it would be, if it would be like in their old times and how he would handle his feelings but he just had to wait and see.

It was the best solution for now and maybe something they could build on.

And it was definitely better than before, because he had Louis back in his life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is very, very, very short and I'm sorry about it! But I decided to split the chapter and make the other part into a whole new chapter because I think it's going to be very long (by my standards hahaha).
> 
> Plus, I know it's also a very boring chapter so sorry again but I'm really excited to write the next one! So let's be excided for chapter 14 together, I'll see you then!!
> 
> And of course, thanks for reading and let me know what you think! xx
> 
> PS: I think I never said thank you for all the lovely comments and Kudos, they all make me very happy!


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